Best-Case Scenario
by C0ldSteel
Summary: "Light asked for this. He knew what his confinement would entail when he agreed to it, and even went so far as to ask me not to release him until I was sure of his innocence. I'll listen to your concerns, but the final decision to release him is mine alone." L is sure that Light is Kira, but finds himself hoping for a different outcome. Eventual slash. Image used with permission.
1. Incarceration

_Is this my first DN fic on this site? Huh. I feel like I should apologize. xp_

 _A long time ago... years... someone called T2014 asked me to write a Death Note slash. Well, I like Death Note, but there is SO much slash fic out there for it, it wasn't a very high priority for me. Lately I've had some ideas floating around, so I'll take them down and see what happens. Not promising to wow you here. Hope you like it, though. Also not sure how long it will be, or how long it will take to get to the yaoi bits. Sorry... I try to jump in and do one-shots, and they insist on taking their time with character development... like that's necessary! lol  
_

* * *

Best-Case Scenario

One: **Incarceration**

To Matsuda, I think it looked like a big game. I suspect Light Yagami of being Kira, so I place cameras and wire taps in his home. When that yields no results, I confront him directly. Still unable to gather conclusive evidence, I turn my attention to the second Kira. Then Light throws a curve by requesting to be locked up. Maybe I shouldn't have taken him up on his offer. He was clearly up to something. But taking a calculated risk (and the bait) was part of this wits battle, and something I'd already done by showing my face.

Was it a game? In the way that generals "playing" with their soldier-pawns is a game. Sometimes it seemed as if there weren't enough players—and other times too many. But when Light entered his cell, it was hard to remember that this match was not just between the two of us. Matsuda was usually the one to remind me.

"Is it really necessary to handcuff him, too?"

I was tempted to ignore the question, but if Matsuda voiced it, the others were probably thinking it. "We don't yet know how Kira kills," I said.

"Maybe you should shackle his legs, too," Aizawa said sarcastically. "In case he kills someone with his toes."

Matsuda laughed nervously.

"If you feel additional precautions are necessary, I won't stop you from adding them," I said.

No one answered.

A few minutes later, Matsuda said, "Wait a minute... if his hands are locked behind his back, how's he supposed to go to the bathroom? Or eat?"

"Obviously, he'll need help with those things, as Miss Amane has."

I could feel, as much as hear, the response from the room at large. Up to that point, the others had known that Watari was taking Misa to the bathroom and so forth, but I think they'd been willfully ignoring the implications. Now that Mr. Yagami's son was the one enduring this kind of demeaning restriction, it hit too close to home for them to ignore.

"But that's..." Matsuda started.

"Light asked for this," I reminded him. "He knew what his confinement would entail when he agreed to it, and even went so far as to ask me not to release him until I was sure of his innocence. I'll listen to your concerns, but the final decision to release him is mine alone." There was no point in being vague; it would only lead to messy arguments later.

"But you haven't handcuffed the chief," Matsuda tried again.

"Mister Yagami's confinement is, in my opinion, unnecessary. The possibility of his being Kira seems extremely small to me... less than one percent. If he has any involvement, it would only convince me more of Light's guilt. Ergo, the heavier restrictions on Light are still valid."

"Oh. I... I guess you're right." He didn't sound sure. Possibly, he was just having trouble keeping up with my logic.

* * *

When dinnertime arrived, Watari asked me if it mattered which prisoner he fed first.

"We shouldn't keep either of them waiting," I said. "I will feed Light myself."

"Are you sure?"

Watari rarely questioned me, but I understood his concern. "So far, you are the only one who has had direct contact with Miss Amane since her arrival. For now, I would like to keep it that way."

"And Yagami?"

"He already knows my face and has had direct contact with me for some time. Now would hardly be the opportune time to kill me, with many eyes and cameras on him. Besides, seeing him in person each day may help me detect whether he's planning something. Kira would hate being dependent on his adversary for anything, so if the confinement is just part of some plot, my being the one to care for him will be maddening."

"As you wish; please tell me if I can do anything else to help."

"Of course. And—have Matsuda take something in to Mister Yagami."

Matsuda was undyingly loyal to his chief, but also a terrible liar. If Yagami were up to anything, receiving his meals from Matsuda wouldn't help him in the slightest.

I had a lot of practice balancing objects, so it wasn't too difficult for me to get a tray of food and water into Light's cell without spilling anything.

Light looked at me with something like confusion. All he said was, "You're a waiter now?"

I offered him the smallest of smirks. He could do better than that. "Watari chose foods which we hope will be easily conveyed from plate to mouth," I said, setting the tray beside him. "I think chopsticks will be the easiest method, don't you?"

"You don't mean to uncuff me, then."

"Did you think I would?"

He shook his head and then gave me a rueful smile. "I thought there was about a five percent chance."

"Then, I hope you're ninety-five percent not disappointed," I quipped.

"I'm not very hungry."

"Then, this will likely be over soon." I gathered some food and lifted it to his mouth.

Looking far from enthusiastic, he opened his mouth to receive it. When he had swallowed, he said, "Why didn't you have Watari feed me?"

"Watari is feeding Miss Amane."

"I could have waited."

"I'm sure." I offered him another bite, which he took.

"You don't want Watari feeding me," he said shrewdly, the next chance he got. "Is that because you're afraid I'll kill him, or because you wanted to see me up close?"

I doubted Watari would be in any more danger than I would, so that was a very small factor in my decision. I waited for Light to take his next bite before I answered him. "It would be foolish to pass up the chance to check in on you in person."

He nodded once. So much quicker to understand than Matsuda, and much less offended on his own behalf, too.

He seemed to be hungrier than he claimed, or perhaps the taste of the food had awakened his appetite. He ate and drank nearly all I had brought him. When he was done, I brushed over his mouth with a napkin for the sake of thoroughness, though I couldn't see any traces of food.

"Thank you," he said, not looking at me.

"Do you need to relieve yourself before I go?"

He sighed, seeming to deflate slightly. "You're not planning to uncuff me for that, either... right?"

"I'm afraid not. You're going to be in view of the cameras, or at the very least, my eyes. Having your hands free won't make much difference, will it?"

"I guess not." He looked slightly uncomfortable. "I knew what I was getting into... let's just get it over-with."

"One set of eyes, or the cameras?" I asked.

Though the cameras covered every inch of the cell, they were all outside it. This meant that if I positioned myself correctly, I could shield him from them enough for some semblance of privacy. Of course, if the cameras weren't covering him completely, I wasn't going to take my eyes off him. It would negate the entire experiment.

He took a moment to consider. "It's not like I have anything to hide... you had cameras in my house—I doubt you excluded the bathroom there. Still... if it's all the same to you, I'd prefer just one set of eyes."

I nodded. "Very well. I'll do my best to cause you as little discomfort as possible."

"Thank you." He stood and we went to the wall-mounted toilet in the corner. He hesitated, not sure how to approach the next step.

"Face the wall," I suggested. I figured that looking at me while I opened his clothing was probably the very last thing he wanted to do.

He did as directed without question. I moved his wrists up to the small of his back so his hands would be out of the way. Then I reached around his bound arms and found his belt buckle, unfastening it as efficiently as I could while making as little contact as possible. It was all in his favor that I have such long, flexible arms and hands. Once the belt was out of the way, I unbuttoned his trousers and opened the zipper.

"Ready?" I asked, knowing that the show of concern was more likely to do him good than the extra second or two that I waited for an answer.

He merely nodded in response, and I quickly worked two layers of clothing down his legs, keeping between him and the cameras. Then I stepped back slightly to give him room to turn and sit—without his hands free, aiming from a standing position would be treacherous at best, and I was certain he wouldn't want help from me in that department.

Of course, I had to help him stand afterward. He turned away from me again to let me return his clothing to the proper position, and as I zipped and buttoned his pants I said, "You might just leave the belt off... your pants seem to fit you well enough that they won't fall off you without it, and if this were a real prison, you wouldn't be allowed to keep it, anyway."

"Take it," he said.

I worked the belt through the loops and coiled it around one hand. "I'll come help you brush your teeth at bedtime," I said.

"Oh, god..." I wasn't sure if the exclamation was out of annoyance that I would be back so soon, or because he had not yet thought about needing help with brushing his teeth. "Look, if I'm not eating again tonight, you might as well do that right away."

"I might."

He sighed. "You want to wait a while and space out your visits," he said, guessing it in one.

"That will probably help with the boredom," I pointed out.

"Whatever you say."

"Besides... you might have to pee again by then."

"Something tells me I'm going to develop a very strong bladder in here."

* * *

"Poor Light," Matsuda was saying when I reentered the observation room. "Having to go through all this to clear his name..."

"If he does clear his name," I said, going back to my usual chair, "it will all be worth it, don't you agree?"

"Um... I guess."

"But you're going to owe him one hell of an apology," Aizawa muttered.

"I am not afraid to apologize for a mistake," I declared. "Though... it has been some time." In fact, at the moment, I couldn't remember the last time I'd been mistaken about something.

Watari brought in our dinner then, and silence fell over the group.

I glanced at Misa's viewing screen and she seemed the same as usual: a mixture of fear and annoyance. Then I looked back at the three monitors on which I had views of Light. He was sitting on the edge of his cot, staring straight ahead of him.

I myself can go for long periods without external stimulation, but I wondered how Light would fare. He was used to attending school each day, interacting with peers, reading, watching TV... how would he cope, being alone with his own thoughts? Most people would find it tortuous after only a few hours.

It should have been a relief to Light that I waited a while before returning to help him brush his teeth. (I did this with a bottle of water and a bowl for him to spit into—it seemed far and away preferable than making him spit into the toilet.) He didn't say much more than was necessary, other than "Good night" when I left.

"Good night," I answered. "I hope you're able to sleep."

"Yeah... me too," he murmured.

It was in the very early morning that Light finally did get to sleep. I expected nothing from him after that, but paid even closer attention that first night, because his proposal was that he might become Kira in his sleep. And, even though it sounded preposterous, I respected his intellect enough to want to thoroughly disprove his theory.

Sleep does strange things to people sometimes. I wondered what kind of dreams Light might be having—whether he was Kira or not. In the serene relaxation I almost never observed on his wakeful face, Light looked at peace. No schemes to kill anyone... no indignation at being wrongly accused. Calm.

Objectively, I knew that Light was an attractive young man. But seeing him like this, giving it much more thought than I had when observing him in his own home, I think I really _saw_ it for the first time. This was a face that inspired a feeling of goodwill, and perhaps kinship. I enjoyed talking with Light when he was awake, but there was always something on the edge, something that irked me and kept me from being able to relax. That something was nowhere in evidence now. This was someone I wanted to talk to about ordinary things... things that had nothing to do with the investigation. Someone who might potentially be... a friend.

I don't really have friends. I can't afford to. There is a reason I am the three greatest detectives in the world, and it is the same reason I can't collect any friends: eventually, someone would try to use them to get to me. As Eraldo Coil and Deneuve would be hired to track me down, friends would be used as hostages. Thus, if I wanted a friend, I had to _be_ my own friend, just as I had to be the three greatest detectives in the world in order to protect myself. It wasn't _just_ protecting myself, of course. It was protecting my success as an investigator, and by extension, protecting all the innocent people of the world. That probably sounds pompous. So be it.

But Light Yagami... Here he was, showing that he was willing to undergo confinement, deprivation, humiliation, all in the name of justice. Here was someone who would not easily be manipulated. Someone who didn't scare easily, and who (until that day) was careful not to put himself in compromising situations. His own father was an experienced police officer. Perhaps this was a friend I could afford.

If he were innocent. If not, he might be a very dangerous friend to keep. Still, some little part of my brain, at the back of everything else, began to lay minuscule plans for a best-case scenario. If Light is innocent, then when this is over... And that was further than my conscious mind dared think.

* * *

 _Maybe the "How does Light pee with his hands behind his back" question has been answered fifty times by other people... I don't know. I can't vouch for the direction my mind goes sometimes. Either you like it or you don't. x_x_

 _Now... do I go on from L's POV, or try Light's, or do what I'm_ really _tempted to do, and give you some Ryuk? lol_


	2. Light, Cameras, Inaction

_Thanks for your comments, KellerWeller! Hope you like this part, too._

 _So, much as I wanted to do Ryuk's POV, I decided against it. This is supposed to be an L/Light story... but maybe I'll get some Ryuk insight later if I just can't stand it. He's such a fun character. At least we can hear Ryuk from Light's perspective._

* * *

Two: **Light, Cameras, Inaction**

From what I'd seen so far, Ryuzaki wasn't one to do his own dirty-work. The most I'd seen him exert himself was in our tennis match, and that seemed to be a one-time thing. Surprising, because he was really good. You don't get that good by not practicing.

Anyway, I didn't quite have time to get bored before dinner. Ryuk kept saying stuff now and then... I really should have instructed him to keep quiet most of the time. Sitting in silence with a shinigami staring at me might seem really creepy, but listening to him complain and talk about random nonsense was actually worse.

"So, how long do you think we'll be in here, anyway? Obviously, at least thirteen days, because you want to use that fake rule to your advantage. But when do you think the new guy will actually start killing people?"

I kept silent, staring straight ahead.

"Oh, come on. You're a smart kid. You can find a way to give me an estimate. Tap your foot the number of days, or something."

I refused to move.

"It's no big deal to _you,"_ he griped. "At least they'll _feed_ you. I gotta stick around here with no apples... for _how long?"_

I wanted to point out that he really didn't have to stay in the cell with me—he could wander around and listen in on task force conversations if he wanted to; that might be interesting for me to hear about, and possibly useful, too. But I wasn't going to risk it. They couldn't see me "talking to myself." They couldn't see anything but someone patiently waiting for a result.

But one thing Ryuk said did interest me slightly. They would feed me. I wondered if they would unbind my hands for that. Probably not, I decided. Most likely Watari would wheel in a tray and feed me a sandwich or something. Maybe give me a glass with a straw in it so I didn't need help drinking. Yeah, the chances of having my hands free were pretty low.

What surprised me most was that L himself brought in my meal. Not on a rolling cart, but on a tray. The sight was so odd, I couldn't think of much to say.

"You're a waiter now?"

He just barely smirked. It wasn't all that funny.

Sure enough, I didn't get my hands free, but I'd been wrong about the sandwich. L was actually going to use chopsticks to feed me.

 _What am I? Your pet?_

It didn't help that Ryuk was looming over L, quietly cackling to himself.

 _You're just making it worse..._

"So, he admits he wants to keep a close eye on you," Ryuk said after I got a straight answer out of L. "Even at the cost of feeding you himself. That's pretty interesting."

 _Humiliating is what it is,_ I thought. _How dare he do this... He knows damn well that I'm hating every second._

Even though I wasn't very hungry, I didn't want to be kept awake by thirst or hunger pains later on. If I got hungry in the middle of the night, there'd be no one to... well, of course Ryuzaki would be up all night at his desk, stuffing his face with cheesecake and whatever other sugary mess he desired... it probably wouldn't be any trouble for him to run a snack down to me, but I wanted him to visit as little as possible. So, I ate and drank all I could, though that made me begin to worry about another issue...

When I finished, he wiped my mouth with a napkin.

"Thank you," I said, keeping the venom out of my voice.

"Do you need to relieve yourself before I go?"

And there it was. Ryuk grasped the awkwardness of the situation immediately.

"Oh, crap, Light!" the shinigami exclaimed. "Literally!"

I really should have told Ryuk not to say things that might make me react suspiciously. I sighed. There was nothing I could do about it now. "You're not planning to uncuff me for that, either... right?"

"I'm afraid not. You're going to be in view of the cameras, or at the very least, my eyes. Having your hands free won't make much difference, will it?"

"I guess not."

"Hey, he had those cameras all over your house," Ryuk pointed out. "It didn't bother you then."

 _This is different, Ryuk. This is up close and... way too personal_. "I knew what I was getting into," I said, almost more to Ryuk. "Let's just get it over-with."

"One set of eyes, or the cameras?" he asked.

He was offering me two laughable options for a pretense of privacy. If I chose the cameras, L would respectfully turn away while I used the toilet. If I chose one set of eyes, he would stand between me and the cameras—watching me. But even if I chose the cameras, he'd just go back to his desk and watch the footage to see if I did anything suspicious... as if a person could kill, even with supernatural power, while on the toilet. _My god, L, how obsessive are you?_

The idea of having him watch from such close proximity was disturbing, but overall I preferred it to his having the option to replay the footage. Also, no one else from the task force would witness this. In the end, just L seemed the better option over "anyone who happens to see the video footage for the rest of all time." Of course, Ryuk had made a good point, too: there was undoubtedly already video footage of me using the bathroom in L's collection, taken from my home. Along with footage of my parents and Sayu. That was the only part that really ticked me off.

"It's not like I have anything to hide... you had cameras in my house—I doubt you excluded the bathroom there. Still... if it's all the same to you, I'd prefer just one set of eyes."

He nodded. "Very well. I'll do my best to cause you as little discomfort as possible."

"Thank you," I said again. I think I did a good job of sounding sincere.

I was glad he suggested I face the back wall of the cell while he opened my fly—I sure as hell didn't want to be awkwardly watching him do it. Of course, Ryuk's comments didn't help.

"For our viewers just joining us," Ryuk said gleefully, "this actually isn't what it looks like!"

 _Shut_ up, _Ryuk!_

L nudged my arms up to the small of my back and I tucked my elbows in to keep out of his way as much as possible. Once he had my zipper undone, he asked if I was ready.

 _I've been ready—I said I wanted to get it over-with... what the hell are you waiting for?_ I didn't trust myself to say anything, so I just gave him a nod.

I have to give him credit for effectively blocking the view of anyone else who might have been watching from the vantage point of the cameras... not from Ryuk, of course. I had to keep my gaze firmly on the floor to avoid both the dark, solemn eyes of L and the glowing, laughing eyes of Ryuk. I knew he wasn't on anyone's side, but it sure felt like he wasn't rooting for me at the moment.

I got done as quickly as I could. When I leaned forward to get up, L took me by the shoulders and helped me stand. I was a little surprised at how effectively he helped me shift my weight. I wouldn't have expected him to have much experience in that area. I turned to the wall again, moving my hands and arms out of his way. He got my clothes back in place and fastened my pants.

When he mentioned leaving my belt off, I had no objection. If it meant this process wouldn't take as long the next time, I was all for it.

Ryuk was chuckling quietly again, muttering something about L "having dinner with" me and then leaving with my belt. I wanted to punch him in the face.

"I'll come help you brush your teeth at bedtime."

 _Help me brush my teeth?_ I was just beginning to realize how many things I couldn't do with my hands behind me. "Oh, god... Look, if I'm not eating again tonight, you might as well do that right away," I said, wanting to be left alone as soon as possible.

But L didn't want to leave me alone. He wanted to come see me up close every few hours, to see if I was cracking. To see if I was becoming Kira, or showing any evidence of already being Kira. I would just have to deal with it. I'd come this far; I had no choice but to remain stoic and keep him from seeing any of the things he was looking for. I could do this. I had to.

* * *

I have to admit, I did have it slightly better than Ryuk. I was dealing with deprivation of almost every comfort to which I was accustomed, but Ryuk was going through that plus apple-withdrawal, and he had no one talking to him. I had Ryuk talking to me, and though I often didn't like the subject matter, it still managed to break up the monotony for me.

"Hey, Light. Light! Oh, right, you can't answer. Well, guess what. There are forty-eight bars on your cell."

 _Good job, Ryuk. You can count._

"You know how short you are compared to me? I'm glad I don't have to sleep every day like humans do... I'd never be comfortable on that cot. Come to think of it, I wish I _could_ sleep every day. That would help the time pass."

 _I'll never sleep if you don't shut up sometime._ I sat on the edge of the cot and stared straight ahead of me, trying my best not to react outwardly to the things Ryuk was saying.

Finally, we heard the doors of the elevator down the hall opening. Ryuk left the cell for a moment and swooped back.

"It's L. I think he's gonna brush your teeth," he announced.

 _Great. This ought to be fun..._ Even my thoughts were sarcastic.

L brought a large bowl into the cell with him. In the bowl were a water bottle, a tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush. "Ready for bed?"

"As I'll ever be," I muttered.

I stood in the light so he could see better. It was really weird... kind of like being at a dentist's office, but having my teeth cleaned in a standing position felt more like I was receiving dental care at a refugee clinic or something. But again, I was surprised at L's competence. I was sure he must never have done this for anyone else before, but he was as thorough as I would have been myself, and paused often to let me spit and rinse my mouth.

I didn't want to encourage his obsessive managing of these little details by thanking him, but I did appreciate the care he was taking, so I decided to at least bid him a good night and hope that it might help to build the beginnings of sympathy in him. Maybe Stockholm syndrome would persuade him of my innocence if the facts weren't obvious enough to him. Well... the facts as I wanted him to understand them.

"Good night," he answered. "I hope you're able to sleep."

That's right... saying "sleep well" to me probably wouldn't have gone over well. "Yeah... me too," I said, looking down at my cot. I thought about asking him to help me lie down, but I knew I could get there by myself, and I didn't want to push it.

When L was gone, I put one knee on the cot and then awkwardly dumped myself onto my shoulder. After a little wriggling from there, I was lying on my stomach on the cot, and it wasn't all that uncomfortable.

"So... I guess you'll wanna go to sleep now," Ryuk said.

To confirm this suggestion, I closed my eyes.

"Fine. Oh... the lights are going down."

I couldn't help myself; I had to see what he was talking about. I opened my eyes and saw that sure enough, the lights outside the cell had dimmed.

"L's pretty considerate, huh?"

I closed my eyes again. I had no doubt that at least some of the cameras were equipped with infrared settings. He'd still be able to see me. I needed to keep cool and just go to sleep. As Ryuk had said, sleeping would help pass the time.

But hours passed before I managed to sleep. I moved my arms to reposition the restraints on my wrists, hoping my hands wouldn't go numb. I turned my head from one side to the other. I even tried getting onto my side for a while, but I knew I wouldn't sleep that way. I went back onto my stomach, and finally managed to doze off.

* * *

 _Rockabye Kira... I don't know where my mind is these days. xp Oh, well.  
_


	3. Bias

_I see people are reading; it's nice to write for a popular fandom again. I love my little obscure 90's shows, but I hardly get any readers or feedback for them. Comments really do inspire me to keep going, as I'm sure they do for most writers._

* * *

Three: **Bias**

I don't think I was actually asleep... my eyes were open, focused on a point about halfway between me and my nearest viewing screen. But I was nevertheless startled into a more wakeful condition by Misa Amane's voice a little after seven in the morning.

"Mister Stalker... it's cold and creepy and boring here... can't I at least have my blindfold off?"

I wished she would quit calling me a stalker. I don't know how she latched onto this idea, but she was certainly sticking to it. I was glad she wasn't suicidal anymore, but her obstinacy in her act... if it was an act... was certainly annoying.

"What exactly are you after, anyway? Are you making a documentary? How long it took to make Misa Misa mad? Oh, that is kind of a catchy title. But no one's going to want to watch me like this. They'll get bored."

I depressed the button that allowed me to speak to her. "Miss Amane, the power to change your situation is in your hands. If you cooperate and confess to being the second Kira, I can begin to work something out with you, but until then, things will remain as they are."

"Oh, come on!" she said, her tone something like that of an annoyed child who had been interrupted while in the middle of a favorite game. "If I were the second Kira, you wouldn't have had the chance to kidnap me! Kidnappers and perverts are the kind of people Kira kills." She suddenly seemed to realize what she had just said. "Uh... but... if you let me go, I'll be sure to say publicly that I wasn't harmed at all, and that everything turned out just fine. So you won't have to worry about Kira killing you, okay?"

"I'm not interested in trying to appease the first Kira. All I want to hear from you is that you're ready to admit to being the second. If you can't do that, please try to keep quiet. You'll get your breakfast soon."

She whimpered. "Is it morning, then? I can't tell what time it is. I feel like it's just a big nightmare." She sounded like she might be about to cry. "Please... I just want to see some sunlight. Something. Don't you have a heart?"

I zoomed in on her half-covered face and saw a tear running down her chin. I turned off the sound coming from her room. I needed to think, and she wasn't going to allow me the luxury if I could hear her.

 _Don't you have a heart?_ I would never admit it to her, but I did feel a bit sorry for her. Sensory deprivation is not nearly as bad to me as sensory overload, but I know that the opposite is true for many people. Being blind, unable to move, unable to eat anything that wasn't forced on her, unable to hear anything but the hum of electricity and the occasional distorted voice of a captor, unable to feel anything but the bonds holding her in place—perhaps for her, it was how I would feel if I were forced to stand straight, eat plain rice and listen to J-pop while being hugged by strangers and watching the Disney channel.

 _My god, what am I doing to that poor girl?_ But I pushed the thought down stoically. I knew what I knew. I had evidence, physical evidence, that Misa Amane was at least involved with the second Kira. So, why had she suddenly changed tactics? Why had she gone from sparse denials and pleas for death to this empty-headed notion of a perverted stalker-kidnapper? It didn't make any sense, not from any perspective... unless she didn't _remember._ Amnesia? Kira could control people before they died. Maybe he had controlled Misa Amane and used her to send his messages to Sakura TV. In that case, perhaps she was no longer his puppet, but awaiting an imminent death, completely unaware of her circumstances.

It was a rough theory, but with what I knew about Kira so far, it was mechanically feasible. But then, how long could Kira control a person before they died? Or could he control people without killing them? If so, he was twice as dangerous as we had been thinking. He might be controlling someone on the task force already, or world leaders, law enforcement officers...

I shook my head. If Kira's power extended that far, he would probably have made bigger moves by now.

I looked at Light, who appeared to still be asleep in his cell. Could he have been controlling Misa when we captured her? I would have to review some surveillance footage to see how he acted immediately before and after Misa's attitude changed. I doubted I could have missed any outward sign from him, but it was worth looking into. I would ask Watari to help.

Speaking of Watari, when I switched Misa's sound back on, he was taking breakfast to her. She was talking again—or maybe _still_ talking. I wouldn't put it past her. She was making all manner of odd suggestions, obviously trying to bring about any sort of change in her situation. Nothing she said was useful.

What had I been thinking about? Oh, yes. Could Misa have lost her memories of being the second Kira? The idea needed further exploration. Perhaps hypnosis could bring those memories out of her. After all, even those with true amnesia had been known to remember things after time, days, weeks or even years later. But did that have anything to do with Light's proposal that he might be Kira subconsciously? Was it a latent killing power that woke up, wreaked havoc and then went dormant again? I supposed that wasn't any sillier than any other working theories I'd had lately.

I looked at Light's sleeping form again. He didn't look comfortable, but his expression was still clear. This was the Light I'd been talking about when I said he was my first friend. _Does that Light exist only when he's asleep?_ I smirked to myself. _Let's just hope it's not Kira that I made friends with._

* * *

When Light awoke, he began moving very slowly. I saw him cringing and soon heard a quiet moan escape him as he struggled to a sitting position. From the way he was straining his arms behind him, I guessed that his bound wrists were causing him pain.

"Mm."

I depressed the button which connected my voice to his cell. "Light, I see you're awake. I'll bring your breakfast shortly." I brought up the lights on his cell.

"What time is it?" he asked in a hollow voice.

"Nearly nine o'clock."

"Been up all night?"

"If by 'up' you mean that I didn't go to bed... yes."

He stared ahead of him for a moment. Then, unexpectedly he smiled. "You know... if you'd sat up and watched over me through the night because you were worried about me, it would be kind of nice... instead of creepy."

"You did ask for this, you know."

His smile waned. "Yeah, I know."

He didn't say any more until I brought his breakfast to him. This time I brought everything on a rolling cart, because I was bringing the tooth-brushing supplies in addition to his meal.

"Since it's already nine, I thought I'd go ahead and help you brush your teeth after breakfast," I explained, parking the cart where it would be within easy reach, but not in the way of the main camera.

"Sounds good," he answered. "I had some trouble getting to sleep. I'm pretty anxious, I guess. And the new surroundings didn't help."

"Nor did your restraints," I guessed. "Let me see your wrists, Light."

He stood and turned away from me so I could examine them. They looked a bit inflamed and there were a few lines in his skin. They would go away, probably within the hour, but if they were replaced night after night, they were bound to become raw. "Hm," I said, dissatisfied. "I wonder if we can come up with something better than this." I chewed my lip as I absent-mindedly ran my fingers over the lines to help them fade more quickly. "There is such a thing as padded handcuffs..."

Light let his breath out in something like a laugh. "Yeah... but you might have to buy them at an adult store."

"Oh, there's probably a cosplay outfit that sells them," I mused.

"That's... really not much better. Would you want to send Watari into a place like that?"

"No, no. I'll send Matsuda. He's always asking for something to do." I turned to the cart to get Light's food.

"Well... just make sure you tell him not to get pink ones."

"Hm." I smiled. Matsuda buying pink, fuzzy handcuffs. It was a ludicrous image.

"Or you could order them online... you can get most things that way these days."

"I wouldn't want you to have to wait that long."

"It's okay," he said, sitting down again. "I'm not afraid of a little pain. And I understand why you're taking these precautions." He glanced up at me through his bangs.

He looked almost apologetic to me. I wasn't sure what to make of it. Maybe I should have let Watari feed Light. I was so sure that he must be Kira, but sometimes... I couldn't let myself become biased in Light's favor—or against him. Maybe this was too much. I was too close to the flame. If I got burnt, it would be my own fault.

"Although..." He trailed off, looking away again.

"What?"

He rolled his shoulders. "It's not just my wrists... having my arms in the same position for so long has made them sore. My shoulders, too... I know there's not a good solution for it. Except maybe aspirin."

"I'll bring you some. At this point I'm not willing to alter anything major for fear of compromising the experiment."

"I understand."

Light ate his breakfast slowly, and I wondered if he were trying to prolong my visit. Then again, he almost certainly had to use the toilet again, and might just be trying to put that off as long as possible.

"Do you think this is pointless?" Light asked when he was almost finished.

"Your incarceration?" I asked. "I really don't know. If you do kill people in your sleep, who's to say it will show? And even if you are Kira only subconsciously, if locking you up stops the killings, that's still just circumstantial evidence." I tilted my head in thought as I offered him another bite of food. "Either way... it's not really proof."

"But it will influence your suspicions." He took the bite.

"Yes, I think that's true. I just hope we get something useful out of this."

When his mouth was empty again, he said, "That's what it's for... to clear my name, I hope."

"From the way you were talking yesterday, it sounded like it was to find reason to condemn you."

He frowned at the floor while I held his water glass within reach. "Well... I guess it's to make your mind up, one way or the other. To be honest, I wasn't sure how much more I could take. I mean, one day you're calling me a friend, and the next you're telling my dad that if you die, it means I'm Kira, and arresting my girl friend on top of that..."

"You said yourself that you would have had the same suspicions in my place." The glass seemed to be getting heavy in my hand.

"Yeah..."

"I didn't arrest her without evidence, you know. And given your relatively new relationship with her, everything fits quite nicely."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "Nice for who?"

"Are you actually going to drink this, or do you enjoy the aesthetic of my standing here like some modern art fountain?"

His eyes blinked open and he snuffed. "Sorry." He opened his mouth and set his lips against the glass's rim as I tilted it.

I was getting good at judging when to tip the glass back to keep from flooding him. I waited until I saw his larynx bob twice and then offered him more. He took another drink and then shook his head to say he was done.

"Shall I help you brush your teeth now?" I asked.

"Sure. Thanks."

We set about the task and all went as it had the night before, until Light started chuckling in a very reserved sort of way—whether because he didn't want me to notice or because he was trying not to choke on toothpaste, I couldn't be sure.

"What's so amusing?" I asked, holding up the bowl for him.

He spat and shook his head. "Nothing... I guess it's just the silliness of the situation. And you look kind of funny from where I'm standing."

"You don't look so dignified, yourself," I muttered. Considering the care Light usually took of his personal appearance, and his current predicament, that may have been a low blow, but I felt he had it coming.

He didn't react to my statement, nor did he talk any more until we were done.

"Now, I imagine you're due for a bowel movement," I declared, putting everything back on the rolling cart.

He made a small sound of distaste. "Yeah... unfortunately, you're right. At least promise you'll let me wipe my own ass, okay?"

I assessed the extent of his reach with the handcuffs. "I think that's doable."

"Thank god for that."

* * *

 _Feeling sympathy for Light yet? Embrace the Stockholm syndrome. Do it. xD Comments are welcome.  
_


	4. Sympathy For the Devil

_Thanks for your support, KellerWeller! L is very good at keeping a straight face. He's probably the only person on earth (besides Watari, perhaps) who could do what he's doing and_ not _think to himself that he might be undressing Kira. It's just another task in front of him, and if it has any other implications, it's mixed in with all the other little hints he's getting from Light. He's vaguely aware that he's making things awkward for Light, but he doesn't really feel awkward, himself. Yet. I'll get him there eventually. xD_

* * *

Four: **Sympathy For the Devil**

When I woke up, I thought at first that I couldn't move. My right arm was asleep from the shoulder down, and my left from the elbow. I struggled to get my body to move and was greeted by pain screaming through my left arm, and then my right. I gasped in pain as I worked to sit up. _Oh, my god..._

"Oh, you're awake," said Ryuk. "Guess sleeping like that's pretty painful, huh?"

"Mm," I said in answer, knowing that anyone else would assume it was just another sound of pain.

Then L was talking to me. It was almost nine. I wondered what time I'd fallen asleep. I didn't feel rested. I tried to rub my wrists a little. I wished I could see how bad the damage was.

L hadn't gone to bed. He'd watched me all night. That was creepy. But... it was L. No one had watched me like that since I got really sick in middle school. Mom and Dad took shifts watching me. I smiled a little. "You know... if you'd sat up and watched over me through the night because you were worried about me, it would be kind of nice... instead of creepy."

"You did ask for this, you know." He really had a poor sense of humor.

"Yeah, I know." Then again, maybe I was just trying too hard. I had all the time in the world to build rapport with him.

I had my circulation back by the time L came down to my cell, but my wrists were still sore, and I felt stiff almost from head to toe. I felt L's cool fingers moving over my wrists while he thought over what to do. I wondered if he was just doing that without thinking about it, or if he was feeling sorry for me. If so, I could use that, but I couldn't be obvious about it.

"It's okay," I said, sitting down again. "I'm not afraid of a little pain. And I understand why you're taking these precautions," I added, glancing up at him. I was fully in character as a more innocent version of myself, one that was sorry to cause the task force so much bother.

L didn't answer. He seemed a little conflicted.

I decided to try selling the act a little harder. "Although..." I looked away from him.

"What?" He hadn't thought about it before taking the bait.

I stretched painfully and informed him about my sore muscles.

He promised to bring me aspirin. "At this point I'm not willing to alter anything major for fear of compromising the experiment."

"I understand."

"What's he mean, anything major?" Ryuk asked. "You didn't ask him to uncuff you or anything."

 _No, I didn't, Ryuk. But he made me a veiled apology anyway. If he thought I was making a plea to get out of the cuffs, he'd have called me on it openly, or at least ignored it. So, that settles it: He_ is _becoming sympathetic._

I took my time eating. Last night, I had wanted to get rid of L, but now that I felt I had the advantage in our up-close mind game, I liked having him around. It wasn't as boring as staring at the same surroundings, and I had a feeling it would garner more sympathy than L's view of me from behind his desk.

As I ate, I strategized. What should I talk about next? I followed various lines of thought, trying to determine what I would say if I didn't know that I was Kira. When I was almost done eating, I made my move. "Do you think this is pointless?"

"Your incarceration? I really don't know. If you do kill people in your sleep, who's to say it will show? And even if you are Kira only subconsciously, if locking you up stops the killings, that's still just circumstantial evidence." He tilted his head while offering me another bite of food. "Either way... it's not really proof."

"Then why were you so quick to agree to it?" Ryuk asked.

"But it will influence your suspicions," I pressed before taking the bite.

"Yes, I think that's true. I just hope we get something useful out of this."

"That's what it's for... to clear my name, I hope."

"From the way you were talking yesterday, it sounded like it was to find reason to condemn you."

I'd pushed a little too far too fast. I tried to salvage my train of thought while he lifted the glass of water to the level of my mouth and Ryuk made unhelpful sounds of a spectator's appreciation. "Well... I guess it's to make your mind up, one way or the other. To be honest, I wasn't sure how much more I could take. I mean, one day you're calling me a friend, and the next you're telling my dad that if you die, it means I'm Kira, and arresting my girl friend on top of that..."

"You said yourself that you would have had the same suspicions in my place."

"Yeah..." I knew he must be getting tired of holding up the glass, but I liked to keep him waiting while he wasn't being agreeable toward me.

"I didn't arrest her without evidence, you know. And given your relatively new relationship with her, everything fits quite nicely."

Ryuk chuckled.

That was all very well—for anyone who wanted my guilt proven. I was almost ticked off enough to hit him, but I closed my eyes and waited for some of my annoyance to pass. "Nice for who?"

"Are you actually going to drink this, or do you enjoy the aesthetic of my standing here like some modern art fountain?"

This time, Ryuk cackled. "You know, he's kinda funny now and then."

I couldn't very well ignore L now. "Sorry." I let him give me a drink. After a couple of minor mishaps, he seemed to have mastered this. I wasn't worried about choking anymore. He gave me plenty of time to swallow and then offered me the glass again. I took another drink and then shook my head to decline more.

"Shall I help you brush your teeth now?"

"Sure. Thanks."

I don't know if you've ever had someone besides a dentist brush your teeth for you, but it's weird. And when that person is L, it's... weirder. If he straightened up, we'd be about the same height, but he stays hunched over pretty much all the time. So, from that pose, his neck was kind of craned back so he could see into my mouth, and he'd pause now and then for the rinsing, spitting and reloading of toothpaste...

"What is this guy? A dentist or a puppeteer?" Ryuk asked.

That finally cracked me and I couldn't help laughing.

"What's so amusing?"

His cluelessness just made it more comical. I spat in the bowl and shook my head to stall until I was under control. "Nothing... I guess it's just the silliness of the situation. And you look kind of funny from where I'm standing."

"You don't look so dignified, yourself," L muttered.

I wanted to snap back at him, but that wouldn't do anything to help my situation.

"Oh, now that was _mean,"_ Ryuk declared, having no qualms about strategy. "After all, he's the one that won't let you take a piss without help."

I just kept quiet until the tooth-brushing was over. By then I was composed again... just in time for L to say I was "due for a bowel movement."

I grimaced. "Yeah... unfortunately, you're right. At least promise you'll let me wipe my own ass, okay?"

"Wow, he's thinking it over," Ryuk observed.

"I think that's doable," L said after a moment.

"Thank god for that."

The first time had been extremely awkward for me, but the main reason it was this time around was because I knew I didn't just have to pee.

As L began unfastening my pants, Ryuk said, "There's gotta be some way you could make this as annoying for him as it is for you."

I was glad I was turned away from both L and the cameras; I couldn't quite stop the smile that came up at Ryuk's suggestion. I knew he didn't plan on taking sides, but what he'd said kind of implied that he was on mine as far as this issue was concerned.

I didn't plan on doing anything to annoy L, though. At this point, my strategy was for him to view me as vulnerable. I couldn't let my pride and competitive nature get in the way of that.

"I guess if you'd let him clean you up after all, that would be a good way to freak him out," Ryuk went on. "He seems like the type to freak over germs."

 _Anyone would have good reason to worry about that kind of germ,_ I thought. _Some pretty serious diseases get passed that way. That's why doctors are always reminding you to wash your hands. Besides... even if I were able to let go of my pride that much, I don't think our "friendship" is ready for that._

When I was done, I lifted my head slightly, and L immediately tore off some toilet paper for me.

I managed to take it from him, and then the really awkward part started, as far as maneuverability was concerned. I won't describe it in detail... I'll just say it was a hell of a pain.

"Since you can't see what's going on back there... do you want me to make sure...?" L trailed off.

 _Do I want you to check to see if the toilet paper came away clean? What's worse? That, or having to sit in soiled underwear for hours?_

But to my surprise, Ryuk came to my aid. "Don't bother," he said, leaning over the toilet. "You're good."

Of all the things I thought Ryuk would be useful for, that wasn't one of them. I wasn't about to question it, though. "That's okay," I told L, looking away and doing my best to appear shy. "I've got it."

"Okay," L said, looking almost as relieved as I felt. He helped me up and got me dressed again. "Your mother sent a bag of clothes to the police station for you," he said. "Mister Mogi is going to pick them up today."

"Oh, that's good," I said, letting my genuine relief come through in my voice. "I was a little worried I'd be in the same clothes the whole time."

In reality, I'd made sure the clothes I wanted were on top in my bureau before I left for Task Force Headquarters. I knew that Dad would call Mom with some reason for my being away for a while. She'd want to make sure I had extra clothes. If she packed the ones I'd left on top, I'd be in black throughout my detainment. Black would make me look smaller and less intimidating. It would also make my face stand out more. You might think it would also make me look sinister, but I was willing to take the risk of that registering as a subconscious connotation. L would be more influenced by what he saw directly before him, I was sure. And what I wanted him to see was a non-threatening, innocent kid.

L produced a dispenser of sanitizing wipes and quickly cleaned my hands. Then he sprayed the air with something that smelled like vanilla.

"Really?" I said, smiling slightly.

He shrugged. "I figured it couldn't hurt."

"Of course, you chose something that smelled like food."

"Why not? Vanilla is great. Need anything else before I go?"

I shook my head. "Thanks."

He nodded. "Later."

As L was leaving, Ryuk said, "Just so you don't get the wrong idea, I wasn't just doing you a favor."

 _Oh, really?_

"I just didn't want to sit through a long discussion about human waste management. I figured if I gave you a way out, it might speed things along."

 _It was nice to have the option._

"And while I'm not crazy about being your official shit-checker, I've already seen every disgusting thing that humanity has to offer, plus some shinigami particulars that would give you nightmares, so it's not really gonna faze me."

 _Good to know. I wonder if shinigami use toilets._

"Still... it'd be nice to know if you're grateful. A slow blink would do it."

I obliged him.

"I knew you were the appreciative type."

 _Don't go soft on me, Ryuk._

* * *

 _*chuckles* Shinigami to the rescue. Whether or not Ryuk has a soft spot for Light, I've got one for him. He's very fun to write.  
_


	5. Necessity

_And just like that, I've got over 100 views on this story. Alas, Due South, your fan base has left you for younger things... (Sorry. Lamenting my other stories which are getting very little attention.)_

 _*Basks in KellerWeller's comments* Thanks so much! I'm glad you're liking my Ryuk. Enjoy the new chapter!_

* * *

Five: **Necessity**

Eliminating waste is an unfortunate byproduct of the human condition. It isn't pleasant, and yet it certainly is good to get it done. And considering that _everyone_ does it _every_ day, it's amazing how uncomfortable it makes us to share the experience with someone else. It's quite illogical, and yet I thought I understood Light's discomfort. I'd hardly want him watching me, were our positions reversed. But like him, I would understand the necessity and cooperate.

So, with this perspective, I dutifully kept my eyes on Light. I couldn't see much more than his legs when he was sitting anyway, which made it easier. When he lifted his head, I was quick to get the tissue to him before he had to ask. I could tell he was frustrated by how complicated the normally simple task was made by his restraints, but he made no complaint.

I realized it might be hard to tell whether he'd done a thorough job, so I cautiously offered, "Since you can't see what's going on back there... do you want me to make sure...?"

"That's okay," Light said after a moment. He looked to the side, dipping his head slightly. "I've got it."

I didn't know how he could be so sure, but I wasn't eager to question it, and he obviously wanted to move on, too. "Okay." I gave his shoulders a tug to help him stand and let him turn away from me so I could pull up his underwear and pants. I decided to tell him about the clothes his mother had sent, to help relieve the tension of the moment. He sounded glad to be getting them.

I cleaned his hands and sprayed the toilet area with some air freshener. "Need anything else before I go?"

He shook his head. "Thanks."

I gave him a nod. "Later."

I wheeled out the cart and took it to the elevator. Back at room K-2801, I pushed the cart against a wall, knowing Watari would take care of it later.

At this point, Ide and Matsuda were the only ones there. Mogi and Aizawa were somewhere else, resting or spending time with family.

"How's Light this morning?" Matsuda asked.

I gestured toward the large viewing screen. "See for yourself. You weren't listening to our conversation?"

"Well... after you brushed his teeth I went to get some coffee," he answered, looking uncomfortable.

I glanced at Ide, who didn't seem ruffled.

"There wasn't much to hear after that," I said. "I noticed nothing unusual." Nothing that was worth mentioning, at any rate, especially to Matsuda.

"I brought coffee for you, too. It should still be hot."

"Oh, thank you." I climbed into my chair and began dropping sugar cubes into my coffee.

"Anyway, I was wondering how bad off he is—it sounded like his arms hurt a lot."

"Yes. It's regrettable, but I can't give him any more freedom so early in the experiment."

"Are you really going to send me out to buy padded handcuffs?" Matsuda rubbed his neck, blushing slightly.

"I can send Ide if it makes you uncomfortable."

Ide glanced up, but otherwise didn't react.

"Um... It's okay. But I'm not sure where to go."

I opened an Internet browser and began searching for local stores. "Here," I said, turning the computer screen toward him. "Call some of these places and see if they have what we're looking for."

"O-okay."

I think I made Matsuda nervous. I briefly reviewed some of our interactions. _Shy, and yet he keeps coming back, only to become flustered again and again. Conclusion: admiration and desire for approval... or he's developing a crush on me. Either way, I can't be bothered with things like that._ I determined to treat him as I would any of the others (though perhaps give him less responsibility for the time-being), and he would get over being intimidated or smitten eventually.

"Hey, Mister Stalker?"

I sighed and pressed the communication button for Misa's room. "Miss Amane, I wish you would stop calling me that."

"Well, I don't know your name! It's kind of unfair. You know my name."

"If you need something, 'Excuse me, sir' is a good opener."

"Is that part of your fantasy role play?"

"Frankly, I have no idea what you're talking about. Now, did you need something?"

"I was just wondering how long you're going to keep me here without even talking to me. I'm super bored, and this is uncomfortable. Can't I at least lie down?"

"No, you can't."

She sniffed. "I'm serious... I've got really bad cramps."

"I'm afraid I'm serious, too. Until we know how you kill, we can't give you freedom of movement. Besides, you were ready to kill _yourself_ yesterday. You're not to be trusted."

"I'm not a killer! And yesterday I wasn't thinking clearly. I was just so scared. I won't try anything like that again. I don't want to die."

"No?" I thought I could see a tear on her face again. I zoomed in. Confirmed.

"No. I have so much to live for. I mean... I'm an up-and-coming model. There's a movie deal in the wings. And I have the most amazing boy friend ever!" Her voice got less tight at the end.

I glanced to another screen, at her "amazing boy friend." "Would you like to talk about your boy friend?"

"Of course! I mean, if you don't mind. It won't make you jealous, will it?"

"That all depends on what you tell me."

She actually laughed. "Hey, you have a sense of humor."

She looked genuinely amused. I didn't think her claims of pain were fake, but just like that, her emotions had taken a swing to the positive. She must _really_ be crazy about Light.

"How long have you been together?"

"Not very long, but it feels like forever. That happens when you're soulmates... like everything you knew before gets really small in comparison."

"I see. What do you and Light like to do together?"

"Well, we're both so busy, it's hard to find time for anything," she said, pouting a little. "But we steal a few moments together now and then."

I wasn't getting anything useful anyway, so I decided to let my facetious side come out a little. "Is he a good kisser?"

"Uh..." she smiled as a blush appeared on her face. "That's kind of personal."

"Tell you what—I'll tell you a secret first."

"Um... okay."

"I've never kissed anyone. Not a real kiss, anyway."

She smiled again. "Whatcha mean, a 'real' kiss?"

"Well, if you're under age eight, it doesn't count, does it?"

"Haha! No, not really. And it doesn't count if it's just on the cheek, I don't think."

"So... is Light Yagami a good kisser?" I was aware that Matsuda had been creeping closer as the conversation unfolded. Maybe it was Misa he had a crush on.

"We've only kissed once, but..." She started blushing again. "Oh, my gosh, it was so amazing..."

 _Maybe she thinks that because she has nothing to compare it to..._ I saw that Matsuda was looking at Light on the monitor. He was wearing the expression he sometimes wore when I revealed an aspect of the case he hadn't realized yet. _Admiration._

From what I'd seen, kissing was most useful as a tool for manipulation, and I wondered if that was what Light used it for. Then I found myself distracted by wondering what made a kiss "good." Surely it was very subjective.

"Was that early in your relationship?" I asked.

"Um... pretty early, yeah." She laughed quietly. "But it made me so happy."

"Why is that?"

"Because it made me sure that he felt the same way about me that I did about him."

 _Is_ that _what it's supposed to mean when the guy makes the first move? I thought it just meant he was in a hurry to sleep with her. Is she just naive?_ I looked at Light. _Though, he doesn't seem like that type to me. Sure, we observed him on dates with a couple of girls, but he didn't tend to take them home or go to their houses. He was always polite and respectful... a bit bland, to be honest._

"And... how exactly did you feel about him at that point?"

"The same as I do now! Light is the most wonderful thing I've found in life. I want to be with him forever." She sighed. "That's one of the reasons I really want you to let me out of here. Light must be worried sick about me."

"Uh..." Matsuda started.

I cut him off. "You don't need to worry about that. We've made excuses for you so no one will be wondering where you are."

"We?"

"Yes. We, the people holding you here on charges of being the second Kira."

"But... you're not police. The police don't work this way."

"There are law enforcement branches above the police. You must know that."

"Sure, but I haven't done anything wrong. Maybe I crossed the street where there wasn't a crosswalk or something, but I'm not a _criminal!"_

"That remains to be seen. We have a good deal of evidence against you; all we're waiting for is your confession."

She whimpered. "But I'm innocent. So, are you just gonna keep me here until I _die?"_

I liked her better when she was happy. "Please, don't exaggerate the situation. This is only your second day here."

"Exaggerate? Is it an exaggeration to say you're holding me against my will? That you're torturing me? That you're keeping me tied up and recording me with cameras and stuff?"

"I'll be glad to talk again if you have anything useful to say." I cut communications and just watched her mouth moving for a minute or two.

"This has to be tough on her," Matsuda murmured.

"She's making it tough on herself," I responded. But the notion that Misa might have partial amnesia was nagging at me. If it were true, then she truly believed in her own innocence. That would make it a hellish experience indeed.

* * *

"Ryuzaki?"

I took the cup of tea Watari offered me. Mogi and Aizawa were playing cards across the room and talking in low voices.

"Yes," I said.

"Having reviewed all available material, I would say it's impossible to tell whether or not Light Yagami has been controlling Misa Amane."

"Thank you. So, nothing has changed."

"Nothing but Miss Amane's attitude. You had an interesting conversation with her earlier."

"Mm. She does seem to have made a complete turnaround. It's... annoying."

"Do you want me increase the pressure on her?"

I imagined Watari making Misa even less comfortable than she was now. My initial thought on the matter was that it would be unpleasant to see her in pain. That was not an objective thought, so I discarded it. Next, I imagined Misa reverting to her previous attitude, refusing to say anything at all, except that she wished to die. I thought this outcome unlikely, but no more so than her first switch had been. Then I imagined her agreeing to talk because she wanted the pain and deprivation to stop. Somehow, that didn't seem likely either. Her claims of ignorance were utterly convincing.

"Unfortunately... I doubt that will lead us anywhere," I said. "To tell you the truth, I have no idea what to expect from her. She seems to genuinely believe that she has nothing to do with the second Kira. Do you think it's possible?"

"Perhaps the second Kira was an acquaintance of hers. Someone who convinced her to help make the tapes and mail them. That would explain the physical evidence."

"It might, but then why won't she say she was framed and name the culprit? Why pretend to be clueless about the situation?"

"That, I don't know."

"I suppose I could ask her some leading questions in that vein, but I want to wait a while longer." I looked at the view of Light's cell. "I want to see how they act over time, particularly in comparison with one another."

"Very well. In that case, shall we continue as we have been?"

"For now, yes."

"You're sure you want to keep caring for Light Yagami yourself?"

I wasn't sure of much at this point. "I think so. I'll let you know if I want you to take over."

He nodded and faded away like a shadow.

I opened communications with Light. "Light?"

He had been pacing for a while, but was now leaning against the wall. He looked up at the corner camera. "What is it?"

"It's after nine o'clock. Shall I help you get ready for bed?"

"Sure. Thank you."

I closed the com, got off my chair and headed for the elevator.

"Light's going to bed?" Aizawa asked.

"Yes."

"Would it help if we took turns giving him meals and stuff?" Mogi asked.

"Not particularly," I said, pausing. "I think the fewer variables, the better. Also, doing it myself lets me see him up close and monitor him more reliably. However, if you're dissatisfied with the way I'm doing things..."

"No, I didn't say that."

"I think what Mogi meant is that you're doing a lot of the work yourself," Aizawa said. "And... well, we are a team. Also, Light has known some of us quite a while because of his father's work, and he might be more comfortable if one of us—"

"That's exactly why you shouldn't have close contact with him," I interrupted. "You may mean well, but it would be hard for you to be impartial. Also, I don't especially want Light to relax. He's not on a vacation here."

"Uh... well..."

They seemed to have nothing else important to say, so I got into the elevator.

* * *

 _Oh, snap. Schooled by Ryuzaki, Aizawa. lol_

 _Ide is such an underrated character. I might have to do something with him in another story sometime. ^^_

 _Hope you liked it! Leave a comment!_


	6. A Matter Of Time

_Thanks again, KellerWeller! I'm always glad to get some supportive comments.  
_

* * *

Six: **A Matter Of Time**

 _My second night in this cell._ On the one hand, the time seemed to have crawled by in boredom and pain, but now that I'd made it to evening again, it seemed like I was doing pretty well. I could sleep through another several hours and we'd be on day three. It wasn't pleasant, but I thought I had a good chance of succeeding here. Ryuk was starting to act a little... well, stranger than usual, due to apple-withdrawal. But apparently it would get much worse later on.

When L came to help me get ready for bed, I asked him, "How's Misa doing?" He didn't answer right away, so I added, "Or is it all right to ask?"

"You may ask whatever you like," he said, opening the toothpaste and putting some on my toothbrush. "Miss Amane is faring similarly to you, I suppose. Of course, since we're so sure she's the second Kira, it's necessary to keep her blindfolded as well as in restraints."

I frowned at the floor. "I see." Rem had told me about the way Misa was being held, and it was clear that L didn't plan to tell me the extent of it. "I don't want to believe she can be the second Kira..."

"But you haven't known her all that long, have you?"

"Well... no."

"And it's not like you don't have other girl friends."

I looked up. "Hey... it's not like that."

"No? Open wide. What is it like?"

He expected me to answer while my mouth was full of the toothbrush. Was he just messing with me? I took my time deciding what to say, trying to block out Ryuk's chuckling, and when I was ready, it was time to spit anyway. "It's true that I like hanging out with a few different girls, but it's mostly casual. I'm not sure I'd call any of them my girl friend."

"That's funny... Misa doesn't hesitate to call you her boy friend."

"Hm." I waited for my next chance to speak clearly. "She's always been a little more interested than I have. I didn't realize just how far it went."

"Mm... but you kissed her."

I huffed indignantly. "You know that from your spies?"

"She told me."

"Oh." I figured Misa had probably told him, but it was better to know. I wondered what she thought of our relationship now that she had no memory of the Death Note. It sounded like her side hadn't changed much. "Well... it was kind of spontaneous. She wanted to hang out all evening, but I had studying to do. I had already made up my mind that I wouldn't let dating get in the way of my education. I wanted her to know I wasn't turning her down because I didn't like her."

"I see. That makes sense."

 _Does it?_ I looked at L skeptically as he went on brushing my teeth. _What do you know about relationships? From what I've seen, you only know how to successfully interact with a manservant._

"Well, she seemed to have enjoyed it very much," L went on, as if he were talking about a movie Misa had seen. And he might as well have been. "Did you?"

I huffed again, and this time it wasn't an act. If he kept this up, he was going to make me blush, damn him. Ryuk wasn't helping, either. "Don't you think that's a little personal?"

He almost smiled. "That's almost exactly what she said."

"Don't learn your lesson easily, do you?"

"I'm just trying to understand your relationship. It does have a direct bearing on the case, or I wouldn't ask."

 _The hell, you wouldn't. Fine. It doesn't matter._ "It was our first kiss... It was..." _Annoying. Boring. Uncomfortable._ "Nice."

"That's it? Nice?"

I shrugged. "I don't know what you want me to say. It was kind of a mix of emotions. But over-all, nice."

"Hm."

Another round of laughing from Ryuk. He moved closer and stood behind L's shoulder. "He's probably just trying to get some tips. I mean, look at the guy. You think he's ever been on a date in his life?"

I more or less agreed, but I wished Ryuk would keep his comments to a minimum until I was alone again.

Finally, I was rinsing my mouth out.

"So, Misa's devotion is one-sided," L mused. "That's interesting."

"It's not like I don't like her," I said. "I just don't know her that well yet. And if you turn out to be right and she _is_ the second Kira, then I can't have any more to do with her."

"What if she committed crimes only while someone else was controlling her?"

 _Where are you going with this?_ "Well... if she were under duress, or some sort of mind control, then I guess she couldn't be blamed for it. Still, I'd want to be very careful about it. It might be best just to break up with her, whatever the outcome."

"You'd break up with her, just to be safe?"

L led me to the toilet and I turned toward the wall.

"I don't know... but it seems like it would be better to do it sooner than later."

"I disagree."

I heard Ryuk's interested _"Ohh."_

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Maybe he's sweet on her," Ryuk cackled.

I sat on the toilet while L went on talking.

"If she hasn't been dishonest with you," L said, "then this situation isn't a good reason to break off your relationship. On the other hand, if she is the second Kira, but we can't obtain a confession from her, you might be able to persuade her into talking if you remain her boy friend."

"Ah... I don't think that's really ethical."

"No? You're not willing to stage a little deception in the name of justice?"

I knew I couldn't say that was the problem, because I'd already done that when we made our video reply to the second Kira. "No... but I'm not willing to manipulate someone's feelings like that."

"I'm a bit surprised. Undercover agents do that sort of thing all the time."

"I think you're forgetting that I actually care about Misa."

"Maybe he just doesn't believe you," Ryuk suggested.

"So, it would be too personal?"

"Exactly."

"Hm.

I waited a moment, but he didn't take the hint. "I'm done," I said flatly.

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry."

* * *

The next morning, I hurt worse than before. I struggled to find ways to relieve the tension, but there wasn't much I could do. I knew Misa was worse off than I was, and wondered how she was holding up. I wasn't worried about her betraying me, since she wouldn't remember anything incriminating, but I hoped she wouldn't hate me later for putting her through this. She wasn't exactly the most stable person in the world, and there was no telling what might maker her snap. I half wished Ryuk would go take a look for me, but there was no point in worrying about that now.

After breakfast, I sat on my cot for a while. Ryuk was complaining about apples. I looked up at the camera across from me and asked L if Kira had killed any criminals lately. As expected, he said he hadn't.

"I see," I said. "So, it's only a matter of time before I'm convicted as Kira."

"What I wouldn't give for an apple," Ryuk muttered.

I did my best to look sullen and discouraged. That wasn't too difficult, considering how uncomfortable I was.

More days passed, and of course Kira killed no one. L continued to give me my meals and so forth, ignorant of the loud complaints of the shinigami in the cell. When L offered me slices of apple on the fifth day, I thought Ryuk was going to turn on me.

"Oooohh, it's not fair, Light! Don't eat it! Let me eat it!"

 _You know damn well I can't do that._ "I don't feel like apple," I told L. It wasn't all he'd brought me, so I knew I could get away with turning it down. My appetite had shrunken quite a bit since my confinement. I couldn't feed the apple to Ryuk, but at least I could show him some solidarity by not eating it in front of him.

"Do you not want it because shinigami love them?"

I blinked. He was trying to get some sort of response out of me, and if it was a test, I wasn't going to fail it. "I thought only the ones with red hands loved them," I said dryly.

"Hm. Well, I wasn't planning to tell you this, but the last clue I showed you that day was a dummy."

"What?"

Ryuk was too distracted by the apple on my tray to react to our conversation.

"That's right. It wasn't conclusive, of course, but I'd have been less suspicious of you if you hadn't hit on the message I found and ignored the possibility of a third piece."

"That makes sense, I guess, but you're right: it's inconclusive."

"Yes. Is there some other fruit you like better?"

I looked up at him questioningly. "It doesn't seem appropriate for a prisoner to get whatever he wants to eat."

"You're not a convicted criminal yet, Light. You're incarcerated for observation."

"I know. Are you feeding Misa the same things you're feeding me?"

"Usually, yes."

"Then ask her what fruit she'd like."

"That's very gentlemanly of you."

I shrugged and didn't comment.

"Liiiight," Ryuk whined. "Can't I eat it? Please? Gimme a slow blink if I can."

I blinked twice, quickly.

"Aw, come on!"

He didn't stop begging after L left. "Tell ya what," he said. "I'll wait until he leaves it someplace, make sure I can't be caught on camera, and then I'll just snag oooone little slice. Okay?"

It was a bad idea, but his complaining was giving me a headache. I blinked slowly.

He gasped, as if he'd been expecting me to refuse again. Then he was out of the cell and away.

I half expected him to lose control and eat the entire apple and get himself noticed, but as far as I know, he stuck to the plan and ate just one slice. It eased his craving for the rest of the day, but on the sixth day he was back to complaining again.

L brought me strawberries that day. Apparently, that was what Misa had asked for.

"I've hulled them for you," L said. "You do like strawberries...?"

I nodded.

Ryuk eyed the berries covetously. "I wonder if they taste like apples..."

 _Keep away. If you ruin everything now, I'm going to be very pissed off._

L picked up a strawberry in his long fingers and held it out to me. I had almost expected him to give it to me with chopsticks, like he did most things. How was I supposed to take it without touching him? I leaned forward very carefully and closed my teeth lightly. I kept my lips pulled back, but they barely brushed L's fingers as I came away.

As I was delicately trying to take the second one, my invisible companion piped up.

"You two look really sweet and everything, but seriously—how long are we going to stay cooped up in here?" Ryuk grumbled, twisting into a weird handstand.

I was good at tuning him out, but for some reason this time he got to me. I could feel myself starting to blush. _Dammit, Ryuk!_

L tilted his head. "I'm sorry... this is making you uncomfortable." From the way he stared at me, he seemed to be watching for a sign that he had read me correctly.

"Uh... it's okay," I said, looking away. This probably wasn't hurting my plans at all, but it was certainly awkward.

"Perhaps if you tilt your head back, I can just drop them in."

 _That's seriously not any better._ "I-it's fine."

"Or... try this." He put a strawberry on his flat palm.

"Oo, it's like feeding a horse," said Ryuk.

It took some serious fight to keep from grimacing. I leaned forward again and took the strawberry from L's palm, but my chin brushed his hand. "You know... it really doesn't matter how you give them to me."

"No, I suppose not," he said. It sounded automatic, with no conviction behind it. He was just agreeing with me for the sake of agreeing. He went back to his original method.

It took a while before my face didn't feel hot anymore. I was angry with myself. If L taking my pants down and witnessing my bowel movements didn't bother me, this definitely shouldn't.

Ryuk snickered. "Misa should choose melon next time... at least he'd probably feed that to you on a spoon. Then again... you never know."

I was very glad when L left the cell this time. I only wished it were safe to chew Ryuk out.

* * *

 _We're getting there. *rubs hands with mischief*  
_


	7. Logic

_Thanks for following the story so far! Enjoy the new chapter.  
_

* * *

Seven: **Logic**

I let Light change into clean clothes on day three, freeing his hands only long enough to get out of one shirt and into another. I could tell he was in pain, but I steeled myself against it. _This is necessary._ I tried to think about how I could let him change shirts without taking the cuffs off completely.

He also seemed depressed, which wasn't entirely surprising. There had been no new reports of Kira killing criminals. Kira happening to take a three-day break right when we locked Light up seemed like a ridiculous coincidence.

"What if you've got it backward and _Misa_ is the first Kira," Matsuda said after lunch.

"Don't be silly," I said. "They whole reason we're holding Misa is because we found physical evidence that linked her to the videos the second Kira made in order to find the first."

"Oh, yeah."

"You're tired, and you've probably been thinking in the same circles for a while."

"I guess so."

"I have, too. There are too many possibilities for my liking, and not enough evidence to support any of them."

I found it interesting when Light refused the apple on the fifth day, but it didn't lead to any new conclusions. I brought him clean clothes again, and again I forced myself to ignore the pain he was in. All he got was to quickly rub his wrists and roll his shoulders before the padded handcuffs went back on.

I went to my desk and opened Misa's com. "Miss Amane?"

She gave a long sigh. "Yeah?"

"I'm going to give you some fruit tomorrow. What would you like?"

"What does it matter? I'm never really hungry anymore."

I chewed my thumbnail a moment in thought. Then I said, "Would it make a difference if I told you I'd send some to your boy friend with your compliments?"

"Really? You'd do that? Wait a minute... this isn't some kind of sick psycho joke, is it? Are you planning to poison him?"

"Certainly not. You need to eat, and if there's a simple way to pique your appetite, I'll use it."

"Do you even know his address?"

"Of course. I've had you followed for a while; you've gone there a few times."

"Oh... well... you swear you're not gonna hurt him?"

"I promise."

"Okay. Then I choose strawberries!" Now that she was convinced Light was safe, she had again turned more cheerful.

"Strawberries it is."

Her smile faded, but she still didn't look as dismal as before.

* * *

The next day, I took a small bowl of strawberries down to the cell along with Light's breakfast. "Compliments of Misa Amane," I announced. "And as I promised her, they're not poisoned. I've hulled them for you..." He looked kind of nonplussed. "You do like strawberries...?"

He nodded.

He seemed very tentative about letting me feed him the strawberries—so much so that I began to wonder if it had anything to do with his being Kira. But when he tried to take the second one from me, I noticed his face reddening. _Is he... embarrassed by this?_ It seemed silly, considering everything else he'd been forced to do in front of me, but emotions were strange things.

"I'm sorry..." I said, watching him closely. "This is making you uncomfortable."

"Uh... it's okay," he said, looking away.

Convinced that I was right, but still not sure why, I began looking for a way to spare him some of his discomfort. I tried another method of feeding him, but it was no better than the first, so I went back to it when Light pointed out that the method didn't matter.

 _So... is it the fact that you can't help touching me from time to time?_ I'd been touching him incidentally almost every time I helped him with something... why should it bother him only now? _Is there some connotation to strawberries that I don't know?_ I didn't think so. _Strawberry Shortcake... Ichigo Kurosaki... strawberries and cream... Oh! What about... no, that's cherries._ I couldn't think of anything in tradition or what little I knew of pop culture that would give him an aversion to strawberries. _Perhaps he had a negative experience with them in the past... something embarrassing. That might be it._

I'd seen naughty children and even criminals blush when they'd been caught in their wrong-doing, but Light didn't have that look. This blush was innocent. Now, that was a word I didn't tend to associate with Light. It made me feel sorry for him. Sorry that I had caused him this emotional discomfort on top of the physical pain he was suffering. I hoped that saying no more about it would save face for him a little bit.

* * *

The seventh day was rainy. Light had slept little the night before, and when it was finally late enough that I didn't expect him to try getting back to sleep, he was sitting on the floor in front of the cot, rather than on it.

"Light," I said over the intercom, "you've only been here for one week... and I'm sure it can't be easy. Are you feeling all right?"

He was motionless, face tilted toward the floor. For a moment, I thought he had dozed off after all. Then he said, "Yeah... I know I must look pretty bad in here. But this useless pride... I suppose I'll have to... get rid of it."

There was something about the way he constructed that sentence... it had to be the sleep deprivation. He sounded humble at the beginning, and then defiant at the end.

 _What's going on in your head, Light?_

Then he turned his face upward, blinking as if only just realizing that I had turned up the lights. He seemed to be breathing harder, and for a moment I worried that something was seriously wrong. Then he looked around as if expecting to see someone or something else in the cell.

"Ryuzaki..." There was an edge to his voice. Hoarseness from the lack of sleep, maybe. "I realize that I was the one pushing for confinement, and that I asked you to put me in here, but I just realized something important—this whole thing's completely pointless!"

I was on the edge of my seat. What could he have realized that I missed?

"Because I'm not Kira! You have to get me outta here!"

 _What?_ Was he just going stir-crazy, finally? How was this pivotal new information that was supposed to change my mind? Wasn't this sort of outburst exactly the kind of thing he had warned me about when he said not to let him out, no matter what he might say? I leaned toward my microphone.

"I can't do that. I promised you that no matter what you said, I wouldn't let you out until I was convinced that you are not Kira."

"Please, L. I wasn't thinking clearly. Do you really think a serial killer like Kira could commit those crimes without being aware of them? If I have no memory of his crimes, I'm not him!"

He wasn't hysterical yet, but it sounded like he was heading there. And he'd called me L. He wasn't supposed to do that. It irked me.

"I've never been able to accept this idea that Kira was acting without self-awareness all this time. But that doesn't change the fact that all the evidence points to you being Kira. Since we imprisoned you, Kira hasn't committed a single murder."

"Listen... Just hear me out. I swear to you, I'm not lying! You have to believe me. I am not Kira! ...I must have been framed—that's the only explanation for this!"

 _Framed? By whom? The "real" Kira?_ He sounded absurd, and yet... sincere at the same time. This wasn't the kind of performance I expected from Light. It didn't feel like a last desperate try for mercy. It felt like someone genuinely bewildered and dismayed by his situation.

"You have to let me out; we're wasting time!"

"We can't let you out yet."

He hung his head. "Damn! Why is this happening?"

"What the hell is going on?" asked Aizawa. "This isn't like Light at all. He's contradicting himself. It doesn't make any sense to me."

 _Me either, Aizawa. What does this mean...?_

"Well, we can't release him now that the murders have stopped," Matsuda said. "It doesn't matter _what_ he says. I mean, even _I_ know that much."

"Anyway, I don't care what anyone says. As far as I'm concerned, we have all the proof we need. Light Yagami is Kira, and that's the end of it."

 _Correlation does not prove causation. It's strong evidence, but it's not truly proof. Besides... this doesn't sit well with me._ I was thinking of Misa's change in behavior. This was so similar... Had someone been controlling them both? _I'm so confused._

* * *

I waited until Light had calmed a little before I went to his cell. My judgment was divided—I probably shouldn't be going down there alone right now. But he was still on camera, after all, and I was sure the others were monitoring the situation carefully.

Light got to his feet as I approached with the rolling cart.

I pointed a finger at him. "Stay away from the door."

He looked uncertain as he sat on the edge of the cot. "I'm not going to try to escape... that would be totally pointless. But I had hoped... you might let me out."

"I told you I can't do that."

He sighed and looked away from me.

I rolled the cart inside and shut the cell door behind me. "I brought you clean clothes."

No response.

"And a warm breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"I find that hard to believe. You didn't have much for dinner, and you're getting very thin."

"I feel sick."

I put a hand to his forehead. "You don't have a fever."

He leaned away from my hand. "Just leave me alone."

 _I'm merely concerned... I shouldn't say that out loud._ "Light... I think after this I should let Watari bring you your meals and such."

I thought he was going to ignore me, but after a few seconds, he turned back toward me. "No... please, don't do that."

"No? Why not?"

"I... it's bad enough I have to get undressed in front of one person... It'll be twice as bad if it's two people."

"Is that really such a concern?"

"Besides... you said I was your friend."

"That's exactly why I shouldn't be doing this. I thought I could remain completely objective, but... I'm afraid even I may have some bias."

"Please... you're annoying sometimes, but at least I get a little intelligent conversation from you. Without that, I'll go completely crazy in here."

"Watari is quite an intelligent conversationalist."

"I'm sure he is, but... he's not exactly in my peer group."

"That's one way of putting it." I sighed. I didn't want to hand Light's care over to Watari, but the more I didn't want to, the more I thought it was for the best. "Let's get you into clean clothes, shall we? Maybe you'll be hungry after."

He obviously didn't like that I had changed the subject, but all he said was, "Fine."

By now I had come up with an excellent system to change Light's shirt without completely freeing him. First, I uncuffed one of his hands. Then I put the empty cuff on my own wrist. Light pulled his free arm out of his sleeve and down through the bottom of his shirt, where we worked together to get the sleeve of the clean shirt onto him. Next, I uncuffed myself and put the empty cuff on his free wrist—he was now handcuffed in front, rather than behind. Then repeat the process on the other side and finish by re-cuffing him behind his back.

Light put up with all of this until we were done, but then he said, "I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous."

"Hm?"

"If I really wanted to escape, I could just overpower you and take the damn key. I'm obviously not going to try anything like that, so why don't you just take the cuffs completely off to let me change shirts?"

I felt a bit deflated. "Well..."

"And another thing. You say Kira hasn't killed anyone for a week. Well, even if I _were_ Kira, obviously it hasn't made a difference whether my hands were restrained or not."

"I suppose that's true..."

"So, you may as well keep feeding me yourself, too, because that hasn't been allowing Kira to kill anyone, either."

His logic was sound. I realized I felt relieved. "Yes. You're right. I suppose..." I looked toward the toilet. "I suppose I can uncuff you to relieve yourself as well."

He sighed quietly. "Thank you."

So, from then on, Light got to have his hands free a few times per day. The killings did not begin again. It made no difference.

* * *

 _Score one point to Light. xp Thanks for reading! Please remember to leave a comment.  
_


	8. A Thoughtful Gesture

_Almost 400 views! ...And only 5 comments... all by the same person! (Thanks, KellerWeller! xD ) It would be nice to hear from more people._

* * *

Eight: **A Thoughtful Gesture**

"Light, you've only been here for one week... and I'm sure it can't be easy. Are you feeling all right?"

 _Feeling all right? Is he serious?_ I braced myself. _Now that I've come this far, I think it's about time._ I had to phrase this correctly. "Yeah... I know I must look pretty bad in here. But this useless pride... I suppose I'll have to... get rid of it."

Ryuk, who had been in one of his weird contortionist's headstands, instantly uttered a low "Huh?" as he came out of his stupor. He uncoiled himself and got right-side-up again. After a short silence, he said "Got it."

In my peripheral vision, I saw him walking slowly toward the wall. _I wonder if this is what it's like when you know you're about to die. Nothing is waiting for me. I'll lose these memories. I'll lose such a huge part of who I am... I can only hope L won't think I've changed_ too _much. Just the right amount._

"Later," Ryuk called back to me.

 _This is it. Soon I won't remember even these thoughts. It's a little unnerving. But I can't lose my nerve now. I can't..._

 _I can't... Can't what? What was I thinking?_ I tried hard to remember for a moment. The thought had flown right out of my head. I was tired and in pain, but normally my concentration wasn't so bad.

 _Why am I in so much pain?_ I looked around my cell. _Why am I alone? Why... did I agree to this? Why did I suggest it?! I have to tell them this was a mistake.  
_

"Ryuzaki... I realize that I was the one pushing for confinement, and that I asked you to put me in here, but I just realized something important—this whole thing's completely pointless! Because I'm not Kira! You have to get me outta here!"

"I can't do that. I promised you that no matter what you said, I wouldn't let you out until I was convinced that you are not Kira." He sounded so mechanical. Heartless, really. All detective.

I decided to try appealing to him as a detective and used his initial alias for my next attempt. "Please, L. I wasn't thinking clearly. Do you really think a serial killer like Kira could commit those crimes without being aware of them? If I have no memory of his crimes, I'm not him!"

"I've never been able to accept this idea that Kira was acting without self-awareness all this time. But that doesn't change the fact that all the evidence points to you being Kira. Since we imprisoned you, Kira hasn't committed a single murder."

"Listen... Just hear me out. I swear to you, I'm not lying! You have to believe me. I am not Kira! ...I must have been framed," I said desperately. "That's the only explanation for this! You have to let me out; we're wasting time!"

"We can't let you out yet."

I let my head drop forward in frustration. "Damn! Why is this happening?"

Ryuzaki didn't answer. I tried to get him to talk a few more times, but eventually gave up. I sat on my cot again and stared straight in front of me. Somehow this all felt worse now. Maybe it was just because with every passing day the evidence against me became stronger, but hearing Ryuzaki reject my honest declarations had a devastating effect on my morale... and my ego, if I'm honest.

 _He said he didn't want me to be Kira because I was his friend. Now it's like he_ does _want me to be Kira. He's already lost all confidence in me. Apparently friendship doesn't mean that much to him._

For some reason, I thought about him feeding me strawberries and how flustered I'd gotten over it. _What was that about, anyway? Damn him, he's messing with me on every level. I bet he's not even trying to find the real Kira anymore._

I had thought things would get a little better, getting the handcuffs off now and then, and getting a little conversation, but now that I was sure the task force was convinced I was a killer, everything seemed hellish. There would be no relief until they decided to execute me. Then if Kira ever started killing again, they'd have to start over, and if my father hadn't done something drastic already, he'd probably do it when they had to admit to my innocence _._

 _Dad..._ What must this be doing to him? I felt like crying, but I wasn't going to give Ryuzaki the satisfaction. I was starting to hate him, but at the same time I still wanted him to come down to the cell. I needed to see him face to face so I could try one more time to convince him I wasn't his enemy.

He did come a little later, but I scarcely had the heart to talk to him by then. I did hope to say something that would sway him, though what, I didn't know. I stood up as he got close to the cell.

"Stay away from the door," he said, pointing at me.

Wow. He really didn't trust me at all. I sat on the edge of the cot. "I'm not going to try to escape... that would be totally pointless. But I had hoped... you might let me out."

"I told you I can't do that."

I could tell he wasn't going to be persuaded and it was extremely frustrating. I looked away from him.

"I brought you clean clothes... And a warm breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"I find that hard to believe. You didn't have much for dinner, and you're getting very thin."

"I feel sick."

I suddenly felt his clammy hand on my forehead. "You don't have a fever."

I jerked away. "Just leave me alone." _Geez._

"Light... I think after this I should let Watari bring you your meals and such."

What was that about? Did he think he was skewing the results somehow? Or did he think I was manipulating him? It was ridiculous. But then I started to think about what it would be like if he went through with this idea. I turned back toward him. "No... please, don't do that." I probably sounded pathetic.

"No? Why not?"

"I... it's bad enough I have to get undressed in front of one person... It'll be twice as bad if it's two people."

"Is that really such a concern?"

"Besides... you said I was your friend," I reminded him. I don't know why I still expected him to have a heart.

"That's exactly why I shouldn't be doing this. I thought I could remain completely objective, but... I'm afraid even I may have some bias."

"Please... you're annoying sometimes, but at least I get a little intelligent conversation from you. Without that, I'll go completely crazy in here."

"Watari is quite an intelligent conversationalist."

 _Sure, for an old guy._ "I'm sure he is, but... he's not exactly in my peer group."

"That's one way of putting it." He sighed. I couldn't tell if I was getting through to him or not. "Let's get you into clean clothes, shall we? Maybe you'll be hungry after."

And he had no intention of letting me know. Frustration again. "Fine."

Ryuzaki put me through this strange, twisting dance to get me out of one shirt and into another. I put up with the whole thing, but I just couldn't move on without saying something. "I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous."

"Hm?"

I pointed out how unnecessary the ritual was, and in the end, he agreed to uncuff me to change shirts in future, and to continue feeding me himself.

Then he surprised me by adding, "I suppose I can uncuff you to relieve yourself as well."

I sighed. Maybe he did have a heart after all. "Thank you." I decided I could eat a little breakfast after all.

* * *

It was pretty much a morning of boredom and depression that day. I couldn't figure out why, but before I came to my senses, the time seemed to pass a little more quickly. Now it dragged.

Finally, Ryuzaki brought my lunch and something new.

"When we began this," he told me, "your father told your mother and sister that you were embarking on an Interpol internship, and that for much of the time you would not be allowed to have your cell phone for security reasons."

"That makes sense," I said. "I bet they're really proud thinking that's why I'm gone." What a joke.

"Still, I'm sure they miss you, and I thought you might like to send them a postcard." He held up the postcard for me to look at. It displayed the Tokyo skyline.

I wanted to say something scathing, but I did miss my family, and I knew it would mean a lot for them to hear from me. I knew he probably wouldn't let me say whatever I wanted, for fear I might put something... _Kira_... hidden in the message. "What should I say?"

"Oh, something like, 'I'm learning a lot about cooperation between countries in the field of law enforcement and I miss you very much... Expect me to do extra studying to make up for the classes I missed when I get home...' Stuff like that."

I eyed him critically. "Have you ever written a postcard before?"

"Mm... a couple. But not to my family."

I didn't know what to think of that. It sounded like he had a family somewhere, but that was just an implication. Maybe he hadn't written to them because they had died when he was young, or because he was estranged from them. I tried to picture a combination of parents that would produce something like the odd figure feeding me my breakfast. It seemed impossible.

"Well, I think I can write something convincing."

"Good."

All in all, I decided that this counted as a thoughtful gesture on Ryuzaki's part. He certainly didn't have to allow me any communication with my family.

He chained my left hand to the rolling cart before putting a pen in my right. It was the first thing other than clothing or toilet paper that I'd been able to hold since my confinement. Its familiarity was comforting, but it also made me wonder if I was starting to lose grip strength from not holding anything. I'd probably lost a fair bit of muscle mass in the last week. If this went on, I'd be in very poor shape by the time... if I _ever_ were released.

I tried to put those thoughts out of my mind and prepared to write.

 _Dear Dad, Mom and Sayu,_

 _I haven't been able to call, so I thought I'd drop you a note. I'm learning a lot about Interpol, which I won't be able to tell you! I'll have some classes to make up when I'm home, but everything is going well. Don't worry about Misa—once this mess with her manager is cleared up, she'll be performing again. I'll write again if I get the chance._

 _~Light_

Ryuzaki looked the message over carefully. "Nice touch mentioning Misa. They've probably been wanting to ask you about her."

I nodded. "Satisfied that I haven't put any coded evil messages into it?"

"I've figured that in as a calculated risk. If you are Kira but not aware of it, you might have unconsciously coded in a message... but that would imply that your mother or sister is similarly controlled, and... I find that idea highly unlikely."

"Really?" I asked dryly.

"I'd estimate less than a two percent chance."

"So generous."

He unfastened the handcuff from the cart and bound my arms behind me again as he said, "I'm not a very good target for sarcasm, you know. Even when I catch it, it rarely appeals to my sense of humor."

"I've noticed. I guess it's more for my own amusement. I'm bored, as I'm sure you must know."

"Yes..." He looked around the cell. "I'm sure you are with so little stimulation, but you do have a keen intellect, so that ought to keep you sane for quite some time."

"I'd rather be cleared. Not that I want Kira to kill more people... but his pushing the blame onto me is really unfair."

"That's still your best theory? You've been framed by the real Kira?"

I sighed. "Maybe it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I haven't thought of anything else that holds up even that well, so I've decided that has to be it. Process of elimination."

"Maybe there's something we've both missed."

I looked up at him. What was that...? "Are you saying you think I might be innocent after all?"

"No," he said slowly. "I'm saying there's still some information we're missing, and it could shed a different light on things... so to speak. That's all."

"I guess I should take what I can get."

He gathered the breakfast dishes to one side of the cart, away from the postcard. "Anything else before I go?"

I wanted him to stay longer, but there wasn't any real reason for it. I shook my head.

"Very well. Just get someone's attention if you need something."

By "something," I was sure he meant using the toilet and nothing else. I just nodded.

After locking the cell door behind him, Ryuzaki looked back at me. "I did mean it, by the way... when I said you were my friend. Even now, I don't _want_ you to be Kira."

He sounded sincere enough. "But you still think I am."

He shrugged and started walking away. "That's what the evidence says."

I couldn't contradict him.

* * *

 _I kind of miss Ryuk. xp Thanks for reading and please comment!  
_


	9. Compromised

_Thanks, KellerWeller. Doing a Ryuk POV segment might be a good idea. I'll keep that in the back of my mind and possibly use it later. We shall see._

 _I have over 500 views now! People around the globe have been taking a look at this story, though none from Japan yet. xp I hope some more will leave reviews. They are very motivating._

* * *

Nine: **Compromised**

"Maybe there's something we've both missed."

He looked up at me. "Are you saying you think I might be innocent after all?"

"No..." There wasn't any point in getting his hopes up right now, whether he was guilty or not. "I'm saying there's still some information we're missing, and it could shed a different light on things... so to speak. That's all."

"I guess I should take what I can get."

"Anything else before I go?"

After a moment, he shook his head.

"Very well. Just get someone's attention if you need something."

He nodded.

I locked the cell door. _I still don't know how Kira kills... even if we agree that Light is Kira, it's not real proof. Not without that detail. It seems remote, but there is still a chance._ I looked back at him. _If it turns out that he was being used, will there be enough rapport left between us to repair the damage?_ "I did mean it, by the way..." I said, almost without meaning to. Once it was out, I had to clarify. "When I said you were my friend. Even now, I don't _want_ you to be Kira."

"But you still think I am."

He had me there. I shrugged and walked away. "That's what the evidence says."

* * *

I found myself in poor mood as I made arrangements for Light's postcard to be mailed from Taipei, Taiwan. I tuned out the other task force members more than usual.

 _If Light really is my friend, shouldn't I be trying to help him? Isn't that what friends do? But if he's Kira, then bringing him to justice will supersede all else, so why allow myself to become attached to him?_

 _But as long as Kira is stopped, does Light really have to die?_ I chewed my thumbnail. _If he truly doesn't remember his crimes, keeping him under lock and key might be enough. It would be a lonely existence, but I could keep things interesting for him. I could even discuss other cases with him. I'm sure he'd find that stimulating. Perhaps even fulfilling. He did intend to study law and criminal justice, after all._

 _And anyway, killing Kira won't make up for the dozens, if not hundreds, of lives he's taken. Where is the justice in the death of a serial killer? It isn't justice; it's just... an end. An end to the slaughter. If keeping him locked up will do the same thing, does it not render the execution superfluous?_

 _Damn it, I have gotten attached._ I looked at Light, who was slowly pacing an oval pattern in his narrow cell. _I can't even look at him on the screen without feeling some measure of pity or regret. This is not good._

"Ryuzaki?"

I looked up to find Watari at my elbow. "Yes?"

"All the arrangements are made. The postcard should reach Light Yagami's family within two days."

"That's quick work. Thank you."

"May I ask what you plan to disclose to the family, should you decide to convict him as Kira?"

I shook my head. "I don't know yet. I think that will be largely up to Mister Yagami."

He gave a nod.

Mr. Yagami had become very quiet and irritable. It was clear to me that he loved his son very much, and that he might do almost anything to save him, whether he were innocent or not. I didn't like keeping such an admirable man confined, but he had convinced me by this time that it was for the best. Concern for his wife and daughter was probably the best way to cool his temper, should it come to that. If he had to lose his son, at least he could be strong for the rest of his family.

But I didn't want him to lose his son. _So, Light Yagami is Kira. Even so, is there only one conclusion? Must he die?_ Everything I had believed all my life said yes, but watching Light go back to sit on his cot, struggling to keep good posture to avoid a fraction of the pain collecting in his back, I knew that my resolve was slipping. Supposing execution were agreed upon—could I myself feel justified in being the one to carry it out? Could I give an injection, pull a trigger, flip a switch that would end the life of this charming, dedicated young intellectual? The one who might even be my equal? A beloved son, a model student...

 _My god._ My eyes were actually stinging. I couldn't remember the last time anything other than an allergy had caused my eyes to water.

I abruptly left my chair. "Watari, I need to speak with you."

"Of course."

One of the others tried to ask me something as I led the way out of the room, but I ignored him. I kept silent until Watari and I reached his observation room, where a smaller version of my collection of screens surrounded his desk.

"I'm afraid I've been compromised," I blurted once he had closed the door behind us.

"In what way?" he asked, taking me seriously as he always did.

"I've lost my ability to judge the suspects impartially. I've begun to care about them personally, particularly Light Yagami. My judgment cannot be trusted where he is concerned."

I thought I saw a small measure of relief cross Watari's face, but he retained his serious demeanor. "Let's sit down," he said.

He took his desk chair and I pulled an armchair over to it. I got into the chair and pulled my legs up, resting my hands on my knees.

"Do you feel that any of your conclusions up to this point have been sabotaged or impaired?" he asked when I was settled.

I reviewed my actions thus far and finally shook my head. "No... I think I have followed a logical pursuit of the facts."

"Very well. In that case, what is your concern going forward?"

As thoroughly as I could, I explained my growing attachment to Light. "Perhaps I am worrying needlessly, but I wanted you to be fully informed, in case it became a dangerous liability," I concluded.

"I see." Watari steepled his fingers in contemplation. I waited in pained silence, knowing that prompting him to speak would not help matters in any way. At last he said, "You know, many countries have abandoned the death penalty."

"For ordinary criminals, yes," I replied. "But there are exceptions for war criminals, crimes against humanity and the like."

"That is true."

"My thoughts have been... well, how does one hope to obtain justice for this many victims? Will the death of one criminal be satisfactory closure for their loved ones?"

"Undoubtedly not."

"Precisely. In addition to stopping Kira, we must assure people that no more Kiras will rise up. That we can protect them. It's a monumental task, and one whose achievement will likely not be largely effected by the execution of the killer. Does that follow?"

"It does. So, you are hoping that you may spare Yagami's life, even if he does turn out to be guilty."

"That's wrong, isn't it?" It had been a long time since I had questioned my own judgment so strongly and been so dependent on Watari's.

He took his time again, but not as long as before. He spoke slowly, obviously choosing his words with care. "Is not the purpose of the Kira investigation to prove once again that no one person has the right to decide what is right, what is wrong, to make their own truth and enforce their own justice?"

I smiled wryly. "Is that your way of saying you can't give me a helpful answer?"

He returned my smile with a patient one of his own. "I am saying that in matters of ethics, no one person should hold power over all others. Without an absolute authority that covers all nations, we must work together, learn from each other, come to agreements and pass judgments based on all the facts and opinions at our disposal. Make the best choice we can for the good of the most people possible. And even when we believe we have reached the best answer, we cannot remain static. We must accept the idea that future generations may overrule our decisions and find better answers. Without allowing room for change, we contradict our own concept of justice."

I looked up at him with new admiration. Many times I had heard from him, and from other teachers, that our best was the most we could expect to achieve, but that any less than our best was unacceptable. I must continue to try, with all the power my intellect could supply—but I couldn't expect to be unhindered by a degree of humanity. "If we believe we've found all the answers and enforce our beliefs accordingly, we set ourselves up as gods," I concluded. "So, whatever conclusion I reach where Light Yagami is concerned, I mustn't shut myself off from you, or the task force, or whatever government leaders must be informed. I have to gather voices as well as evidence to determine the best course of action."

"Mm."

"So, you don't think it's necessarily wrong that I might want to spare Kira's life."

"No... not necessarily. I wish I could tell you the world is black-and-white, all lies against a backdrop of stark truth, but in reality, it is a web of gray lines."

I stared determinedly ahead of me. "Then we must intersect as many of those lines as possible into as solid a point as we can form."

"Aptly put."

I stood. "Thank you. I feel much better now."

"I'm glad. Don't hesitate to voice any further concerns to me. We will work them out together."

"Yes. You have my word."

There was something in Watari's expression that I couldn't quite place. He said nothing more, and I returned to my workstation. It wasn't until almost dinnertime that I remembered the same look on Mr. Yagami's face when Light had reached the same conclusions as I had about the second Kira's video. A mixture of pride and... happiness? delight? Those weren't quite it. But it gave me a warm feeling in my chest, along with a sort of longing I couldn't account for.

* * *

I gave Light his dinner as usual. I had started putting a straw in his drink so he wouldn't have to trust me not to drown him, but I still fed him by hand. I felt much less apprehensive now that I wasn't conflicted about my attachment to my prisoner. I didn't think I did anything differently, but he seemed to pick up on something.

"You're in a better mood," he said.

"Am I?" I asked, trying not to show my surprise.

He looked doubtful for a moment, but then nodded. "You were pretty gloomy earlier."

"I'm sorry about that. To be honest, I don't like this arrangement at all. But the longer Kira goes without killing, the more it seems justified."

"I know."

"But..." I hesitated. I shouldn't tell him the conclusions I'd drawn from my conversation with Watari. It might influence Light's behavior. Besides, the other members of the task force might be listening in.

"But what?"

"But it's still not the kind of evidence that would hold up in a court of law," I finished. "So, we're at a bit of a stalemate."

"How is Misa doing?"

"More or less like you."

"I'm guessing that since you believe she's the second Kira, you have her eyes covered."

I wondered how long he'd been thinking about this. I had been careful not to discuss the details of Misa's confinement because I didn't want to distress him further.

"And since you don't want her removing her blindfold, you've probably got her immobilized, too. That has to be very uncomfortable for her. Is Watari the one feeding her and taking her to the bathroom?"

I stood with a fork poised in front of his face, but he was ignoring it.

"Are you going to answer me?" He didn't sound angry, but his expression didn't tell me much.

"I think it's best that we don't discuss that."

He looked away for a moment. "I don't know if she's innocent or not, but... you really ought to at least have a woman taking care of her."

"Whom would you suggest?"

"I'm not really able to do that kind of research right now. I bet you could find someone, though." He took the bite of food off the fork.

"I probably could, but I don't like bringing in anyone else from the outside unless it is absolutely necessary."

"Hm." He chewed and swallowed. "You know what I think?"

"I'm eager to know."

He took a sip of water and looked up at me through his bangs, which were becoming a little shaggy. "If you were a gentleman, you'd think it was necessary."

I widened my eyes in surprise. "Sir, you're questioning my honor?"

He snorted. "Something like that, yeah."

"How dare you?" I asked mildly, offering him another bite.

"Well, I have very little to lose, so I dare quite a bit." He took the food.

I was having trouble keeping my face blank. I was actually on the verge of a smile. I managed to keep it to a smirk.

* * *

 _The best L is a happy L. But only tempered with lots of juicy angst. xD Leave me a comment, please!_


	10. Jumping To Conclusions

_Thanks again for your comments, KellerWeller; That's the best part of R &J, too. xp_

 _Enjoy the new chapter!  
_

* * *

Ten: **Jumping To Conclusions  
**

 _You don't_ want _me to be Kira... and yet, it seems like you won't be satisfied_ unless _I'm Kira._ I sighed. _I'm screwed, I guess. Maybe this isn't concrete evidence, but you can't let me go as long as Kira's doing nothing. So I might be here the rest of my life._

I started pacing around the cell. It was small, but big enough to take a few strides before having to turn around. I paced for a few minutes, turning over the same frustrating information. _Just how small is this cell, anyway? If I estimate how many inches are between the bars and then multiply that by forty-eight..._

I stopped, frowning. I looked the bars over and then went to sit on the cot, trying to keep my back straight while I contemplated... _When did I count the bars? Was that my first or second day? I was bored so I..._ I closed my eyes a moment, trying to remember. _I must have counted them. I distinctly remember it being forty-eight. Unless I dreamed that..._ I began counting. _Sure enough, it's forty-eight. That's so weird._

 _I'm going crazy in here,_ I concluded. _Has it really only been a week? Now I'm losing my concentration and forgetting blocks of time. What else have I forgotten?_ I tried not to let myself panic. _Why did I tell L to lock me up? Was it really because I trusted his deduction above my own memory? That doesn't make any sense. Did I really think I might be killing people in my sleep? That's... not like me, is it?_ Not trusting myself might be what put me in the cell in the first place, but now it was what was driving me insane. No matter how things went, one way or the other, I couldn't trust my own judgment anymore.

 _God, what if I really am Kira?_ I told myself over and over that it was impossible, and yet the doubt wouldn't leave me completely. I felt like sagging down into a depressed slouch, but I forced myself to keep my posture. Maybe a serial killer doesn't need good posture, but I needed something to work on. Anything to make me feel like I had a future of some sort. If it was staying physically fit or reviewing English class in my head, it didn't matter. I couldn't just stay in my own head space all the time. At the least, I had to make it until suppertime, when Ryuzaki would come see me again. It didn't even matter if he had only depressing things to say; at least it was outside stimulus.

But when Ryuzaki came down to feed me, he had a different air about him. I think he moved a little quicker, stared at me a little less judgmentally... tiny things I barely picked up on.

"You're in a better mood," I said.

"Am I?"

His tone wasn't far out of his usual monotone, so it was hard for me to tell how genuine he was being. Still, I was pretty sure my assessment was correct. I nodded. "You were pretty gloomy earlier."

"I'm sorry about that. To be honest, I don't like this arrangement at all. But the longer Kira goes without killing, the more it seems justified."

"I know." _Sounds like we keep going over the same things in our heads... good to know I'm not the only frustrated one._

"But..." He hesitated.

"But what?"

"But it's still not the kind of evidence that would hold up in a court of law," he finished. "So, we're at a bit of a stalemate."

 _Yeah... just what I thought._ I decided to change the subject. "How is Misa doing?"

"More or less like you."

I guessed that "less" was the answer to that one. When I wasn't feeling sorry for myself, I was wondering about Misa, and I'd given it a fair bit of thought. "I'm guessing that since you believe she's the second Kira, you have her eyes covered."

When he didn't answer, I went on. "And since you don't want her removing her blindfold, you've probably got her immobilized, too. That has to be very uncomfortable for her. Is Watari the one feeding her and taking her to the bathroom?"

Ryuzaki was waiting for me to take a bite off a fork, but I ignored it.

"Are you going to answer me?"

"I think it's best that we don't discuss that."

I looked away. _Pretty obvious what that means._ "I don't know if she's innocent or not, but... you really ought to at least have a woman taking care of her," I said seriously.

"Whom would you suggest?"

 _Don't be an ass, Ryuzaki._ "I'm not really able to do that kind of research right now. I bet you could find someone, though." I finally took the bite.

"I probably could, but I don't like bringing in anyone else from the outside unless it is absolutely necessary."

"Hm." _And that's what separates you from the rest of the populace.._. "You know what I think?"

"I'm eager to know."

I took a sip of water and looked up at him. "If you were a gentleman, you'd think it was necessary."

His eyes widened. "Sir, you're questioning my honor?"

I snorted. "Something like that, yeah."

"How dare you?" he asked, back in his monotone.

"Well, I have very little to lose, so I dare quite a bit." I accepted another bite.

In spite of everything, Ryuzaki being a little more cheerful, even in his understated way, had gotten my spirits up a little, too. I hoped it was a good sign.

I felt a little less dismal about my situation when I went to use the toilet, hands free this time. But somehow it was weirder to have Ryuzaki watching me when he was in a good mood. Before, I could just glare at the floor and think about how unfair it was that he wouldn't believe me... but now I kind of felt sorry for both of us, because he was acting less detached and I could tell he was uncomfortable, too.

I felt warm, and worried that I was blushing. _This again? Come on. God, emotions are so irritating._ I tried to think about neutral things as I finished up, but that got me onto counting the bars of the cell again. I started wondering if I should tell Ryuzaki that I thought I might have missing memories. _No... better not send him jumping to any new conclusions. I need to think this through before I say anything._

I turned away from Ryuzaki to pull my underwear and pants back up. I knew it really didn't make a difference, but it somehow made me feel a little less awkward. Then I turned around to take a sanitizing wipe from Ryuzaki and clean my hands, thanking him as I did.

"You're welcome," he answered automatically. He took the wipe back, put it on the cart and retrieved my padded handcuffs.

Resignedly, I turned away from him again and put my wrists together behind me. I felt the bonds slide into place, heard the click on one side and then the other, and then... I felt his long fingers curve around my forearm for just a moment. _Uh..._ I barely stopped any sound escaping my lips, other than my breath. The touch felt almost like an apology.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours," he said, padding away to the cart.

"Yeah..." I said, watching him. "Thanks."

 _What was that?_ I wondered as he exited the cell. _You still think I'm guilty, so... why should you feel sorry for me? You were cold as ice this morning. Oh, god... does this mean you've made some kind of decision, or...?_ My mind raced in panicky circles for a while. This wasn't like Ryuzaki. It certainly wasn't like _L._ If L had decided to have me executed, surely he wouldn't spare me any pity, much less show any. So... was it just more of his wishing I weren't Kira? That didn't seem much like him, either. _What is going on?_

* * *

That evening, things seemed about as normal as usual, so I tried to forget about Ryuzaki's random little... caress or whatever it was. More than likely, he'd just been about to say something, grabbed my arm for emphasis, and then changed his mind. When I woke up the next morning, I felt even more sure that I had read far too much into the action. Day eight went by slowly for me, but nothing too weird happened, other than Ryuzaki asking if there were any particular food I'd like to have. I told him lasagna just to see what he'd do.

On day nine, Ryuzaki brought me lasagna for lunch.

"Really?" I asked, smiling a little in spite of myself.

"Really. And Watari said I have to help eat it, because you can't just make _a serving_ of lasagna, apparently. You have to make a big pan of it. So, you, me, the task force, Misa... we all get lasagna today."

I smirked. "You're welcome."

"I hate you."

"Come on, lasagna is good."

"You haven't even tried it yet."

"Well, it smells good." It was making my mouth water.

"Melted cheese is a pain..." Ryuzaki complained childishly as he began cutting into the slice on my plate, already wrestling with the mozzarella.

"You could just let me feed myself."

"Hm." He looked like he was really considering it. "No, I don't think so..."

"Come on... if Kira kills someone today, I won't ask to feed myself again."

"That's really not funny."

"I was only half joking."

"Hm," he said again. He'd managed to free a steaming chunk of food from the rest of the mass. He lifted the fork, poised to blow on it.

"Hey," I said, "I can blow on my own food."

"I just thought it would be easier..."

"You'll get your germs all over it."

"That's a bit childish, don't you think?"

"Eating nothing but dessert is childish."

He narrowed his dark eyes at me. After a moment, he held the fork out toward me. "Fine, do it yourself. We'll agree to disagree on this one."

This meal took longer than most, between Ryuzaki having a hard time cutting off bites and me having to make sure each one was cool enough before eating it. I did end up singing my tongue slightly, but since my glass was close by with the straw in it, I was able to minimize the damage.

I guess it was inevitable that I get a string of cheese stuck to my chin at some point, but I expected to just have to swipe it up with my tongue as best I could. I didn't expect Ryuzaki to compulsively reach out and collect it on his finger.

Once he did it, neither of us knew what to do for a minute. I wasn't about to lick cheese off his hand. But he didn't want to put it back on my plate... probably his OCD. But after what felt like way too long, he wiped it off on my napkin.

I thought about laughing the incident off or saying that was why he should let me have my hands free, and he looked like he was thinking about saying something too, but in the end, we just awkwardly let it go.

 _Oh, my god. Don't. touch. my. face._ I felt warm again. I hoped against all odds that he couldn't see it. Finally, I felt like I was close to a normal temperature again. The lasagna had cooled too, so I didn't have to blow on it anymore. I finished eating without anything else too awkward happening.

"That was very good," I said, not looking at him. "Please thank Watari for me."

"I will." Ryuzaki gingerly wiped my mouth as if afraid I might bite him.

As he was leaving this time, he murmured, "I think I might try letting you have your hands free for dinner."

I smirked. Either he'd logically decided I was right and it wouldn't hurt anything, or the whole cheese thing had gotten to him. At this point I didn't really care. The more time I got to have my hands free, the better.

* * *

 _Yay, physical contact! xp I know it's been a slow progression, but I'm trying to keep them in character. Drop me a line. ^^  
_


	11. Contact

_Lol KellerWeller. I think Ryuk is catching up on his writing, since he hasn't done any for a while. He'll get an interesting surprise when he starts paying attention again. xp_

 _Here's the next installment with the story title right at the beginning; enjoy! xp  
_

* * *

Eleven: **Contact**

Now that I was allowing myself to plan for a best-case scenario in which Light Yagami would be permitted to live, I was finding it more difficult than ever to view him as my prisoner. Instead of mechanically monitoring while he relieved himself, I found myself wishing I could look away, wanting to give him some semblance of privacy.

When I glanced at his face, I realized that he seemed much more self-conscious, too... in fact, he seemed to be blushing. I focused my gaze on his chest and left the rest of him in my peripheral vision. It seemed like the best compromise.

He seemed preoccupied as he fastened his pants and let me clean his hands. My sympathy for him continued to drive home how this tiny bit of freedom had become a precious commodity to him, and how so many actions everyone takes for granted would be impossible once I put his restraints back in place. I fastened a cuff on one wrist and then the other, almost involuntarily reaching up to lightly grip his arm for a moment. It was so unlike me, and yet I hadn't given it any thought. I turned away from him quickly.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours," I said, not looking back at him.

"Yeah... Thanks."

I scolded myself for my lapse in control when I went back to my control center. I could make plans, but it would be foolish to change my behavior toward Light. The point in keeping him in a cell like this was to allow as few variables as possible to effect him. I couldn't become a variable, myself.

But acting instinctively like that had somehow seemed to ease the odd longing I had felt before. There was something I was missing. After a few minutes of contemplation, I determined that it had something to do with things like fondness and affection. Those elements that made up friendships and familial relationships. Things I had never indulged in, much.

That's not to say I had no attachments to anyone. I was quite fond of Watari, if fond is even the right word, and I had a sort of mixed admiration and pride for the other students who had been trained at Wammy's House. But Watari had never quite tried to fill the role of a parent for me. He knew too well how ordinary parenting elements could hinder my career, not to mention the way I had always shied away from physical contact, even as a small child. There had been no hugs, minimal hand-holding, and all else only when necessary.

So, why was I resorting to physical contact as a means of communication? _Because I suck even more at talking._ I smiled ruefully to myself. I could command the attention of an entire country, read a speech, explain an itinerary, engage in repartee with crowned heads... but when it came to conveying personal feelings... well, even overlooking the fact that I had no natural ability for it, I'd had no experience with it. What I felt didn't matter. Only the facts mattered. Getting those across. The only real feelings I indulged in centered on the satisfaction of solving cases. It was what I'd been trained to do, and I felt I did it rather well.

 _Until now, anyway._ But I had already concluded that this would be my last case. Whether Kira killed me or not, it felt like time to pass the reins to someone else. I was only in my twenties, but I could feel it creeping up on me: becoming obsolete. To solve crimes in today's world, the world's greatest detective needed to be an expert of the era. Technology was changing too quickly. In another few years, I wouldn't have the choice of retiring—someone else would make it for me. I wanted to make that choice myself, to let someone else be L. I would fade into the background, and perhaps come back one day to be someone else's Watari.

Semi-retirement. It actually sounded nice. I had to solve this case. Unfortunately, right now that meant waiting.

* * *

"You could just let me feed myself."

"Hm." _Too many variables,_ I reminded myself. "No, I don't think so..."

"Come on... if Kira kills someone today, I won't ask to feed myself again."

"That's really not funny."

"I was only half joking."

"Hm," I repeated. I lifted Light's fork to cool his morsel of lasagna by blowing on it.

"Hey, I can blow on my own food."

"I just thought it would be easier..."

"You'll get your germs all over it."

"That's a bit childish, don't you think?"

"Eating nothing but dessert is childish."

 _It's not childish... I need the sugar to fuel my investigative brain activity..._ But I didn't feel like getting into that right now. I decided to let him blow on it himself.

Things had been fairly normal and dull for the last day or two. I still hadn't thought of anything more we could do while waiting to determine Light's guilt. _Or innocence... if that's possible._ I absent-mindedly scooped a runaway strand of cheese off Light's chin and then paused, not sure what to do with it. He was staring at me, and that brought me fully back to earth.

 _I've done it again, haven't I? Perhaps Light also dislikes physical contact. I need to be more careful. What should I do with this...?_ It didn't make sense to me to put it back on his plate, so I ended up getting it off my finger with his napkin. As the silence stretched out, I thought maybe I should say something, but I didn't know what. I decided to work on cutting another bite for him.

When I lifted his next bite up, I pretended not to notice the slight blush on his face. He looked annoyed as much as embarrassed. _I definitely did it again. Damn._ Maybe I should try letting him eat on his own, after all. It might be a variable, but if nothing changed because of it, it could be ruled out, right? Anyway, it would be nice to have a new factor to consider after all the tedium.

"That was very good," Light said when he had finished eating. "Please thank Watari for me."

"I will." I carefully wiped a little tomato sauce from his mouth, not wanting to touch him again by accident and irritate him further.

I waited until I was on my way to say, "I think I might try letting you have your hands free for dinner." I didn't look back to see his reaction.

* * *

If I was going to change something, I might as well really shake things up, I decided. So, not only did I allow Light to have his hands free to eat dinner, but I also sat across from him on his cot and ate with him, with a little table between us. I had moved the cart out of the way so the cameras would have a clear view of us.

"Just see that you keep your hands in view the whole time," I instructed.

"Sure," Light answered. "It's just nice to have them in front of me for so long."

I wanted to smile, but I kept my face blank. "If everything goes on just the same, I'll probably keep letting you eat unassisted."

"That would be good. Thanks."

No deaths was a good thing, but not knowing why was eating at all of us. Still, I hoped things would remain the same long enough that I wouldn't have to conclude that Light managed to kill someone during dinner. This thought prompted me to remember the time Light was studying in his room, eating potato chips while he worked. Two criminals' whose names and faces had been broadcast while he worked had died. There was no way he could have had knowledge of them. Unless eating was the key.

This time, I did smile to myself. _Kira kills by eating. Whenever he does, and his mind is focused elsewhere, blood goes to his digestive organs and somehow he gastronomically kills his victims without even realizing it..._

"What are you smiling about?"

"Oh..." I couldn't look at him. "Just a silly, nonsensical idea."

"You won't tell me?"

"I'm not sure you'd appreciate it, and it won't help anything to tell you, anyway."

He let it go. "When will my family get the postcard?" he asked.

"Tomorrow, if they didn't today."

"Where did you mail it from?"

"Far away, but rush-delivery."

"You really don't want to tell me any details tonight, do you?"

"Better over-cautious than careless."

"Yeah, I guess." He sighed. "I know you can't let him come down here, but would it be ok for my dad to just say something to me? We don't even need to have a conversation. I'll just listen."

I wasn't prepared for that. Light still didn't know that his father was also being detained. I went back to avoiding his gaze. "I don't think so. I'm sorry."

We were silent a little bit before Light said, "I guess... he might not have much to say to me right now, anyway."

I wanted to tell him his father still believed in him, that he had indicated that he would stand by Light whatever the outcome, but I couldn't. I wanted to comfort him somehow, and once again found myself lacking the wherewithal. "It's not that," was all I could find to say.

He was subdued after that, though he somehow still managed to be polite.

 _He is a remarkable young man,_ I thought as I prepared to leave the cell. I found myself wanting to say more than "see you later" or goodbye. Something that would help him shake the doldrums. But there wasn't anything that came to mind. I had an impulse to touch his shoulder, but I fought it. _I don't know what's gotten into me. He obviously doesn't like touching any more than I do. It's not going to help._

* * *

As the days wore on, Light became a little more irritable. As long as we talked about mundane things, he was civil, but if we talked about the case, he always protested his innocence persistently, and sometimes loudly. If anything, my sympathy grew, but I tried not to let it show. At least Kira hadn't killed while Light was eating, so I continued to let him have his hands free. That made me feel a little better, because it caused him less pain, but I knew it was of small comfort to him. _  
_

On day fourteen, after being very careful for a couple of days in a row, I forgot myself and put my hand on his shoulder. I knew from the look he gave me that this was not the right thing to do, but it seemed as if it would be just as awkward to pull back as to leave it, so I chose the latter.

After a few seconds of glaring at me in a way that seemed to say, "Really? _Really?"_ he finally looked away with a sigh. "Just go," he said quietly.

I couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly that convinced me, but I believed his reaction to be completely genuine. He wasn't putting on any kind of an act. Even if Light was Kira, he hadn't been in that moment. Maybe he didn't want to be Kira anymore. Maybe he was in denial about it. _Or maybe he has forgotten it._ I kept coming back to that same idea.

I regained my swivel chair and stared at Light in thought. I knew Mogi and Aizawa were talking about my odd behavior in hushed voices, but I tuned them out. _If Light_ was _Kira, but has now forgotten that fact... what course of action should I take?_ I already knew that executing him would be a problem, even if he were guilty. If he didn't remember his crimes, I was almost certain I wouldn't be able to go through with it. Perhaps if he confessed... if he were proud of it... if he said incriminating and insulting things to the rest of us, then maybe it wouldn't be so hard to do. But this wide-eyed innocence, this stalwart denial of wrongdoing... Perhaps this was how people felt when they had to put down a loyal dog. I smirked to myself.

My musings were turned upside-down the next morning. It seemed that Kira was back in business. The number of criminals he normally killed off in the space of two weeks had all been killed at once. I had gone over the footage of Light from the time when they were killed, but he didn't seem to have done anything out of the ordinary. It was perplexing.

And yet... _Killing so many at once is a bit out of the ordinary. Was he on vacation, and now he's making up for lost time? Or is this someone new? Or did Light finally find the chink in our armor? Or did he arrange this all ahead of time?_ It gave me so many new possibilities to mull over that I was very distracted when Matsuda burst in exclaiming over the news. Otherwise, I might have stopped him from hastily blurting it out to Mr. Yagami.

I knew the others were waiting for me to say that Light was innocent. I thought it was much too soon for that, but I had to admit that whereas I had been very sure of Light's guilt before, now it was much more dubious. "Well... he's in the gray," I offered.

"Did you hear what he just said, Chief?" Matsuda asked excitedly.

"Yeah," Yagami answered. "It's a hell of a lot better than being completely guilty. Thank god."

"I'm sure as grays go, he's a shade closer to being cleared. Let's tell Light!"

I wasn't about to let him spoil the news this time. Without even thinking, I smacked Matsuda's hand away from my controls. "Matsuda!" I said sharply. Then, softening my voice I said, "I mean... Please don't, Mister Matsuda. We shouldn't tell him about this."

"But why not?"

I opened the communication link to Light's cell. "Hello, Light?"

He was sitting on the floor again, head hanging dejectedly. "What is it, Ryuzaki?" he asked quietly.

I hardened my voice. "You've been in here just over two weeks and not a single new criminal has been punished. Now, why make this harder than it has to be? Are you ready to confess?"

He looked up at the camera defiantly. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm telling you, you're wrong. I understand why you feel that way, but even if the evidence does point to me, I swear to you this is a setup! I am not Kira! Zoom in on me if you want. Go ahead—look at my eyes! You tell me: do these look like the eyes of someone who is lying?"

I did. They didn't. But it didn't prove anything. I switched over to Misa's audio.

"Amane, are you ready to tell me who Kira is, or not?"

She lifted her head. "Huh? That again? I wish I knew, but I don't. Because if I did, I'd thank him for punishing the burglar who killed my parents. To me, Kira is a hero."

I looked at Light's eyes again. They were nice eyes. _Stay focused._ They both sounded genuine. Light looked... _innocent. I don't understand what's going on here,_ I thought, my frustration mounting. _Why has Kira begun killing again? Why are Light and Misa acting so oblivious? And why... was I thinking about Light's eyes being "nice"?_

* * *

 _Heh. Embrace it, L. ^_^ Hope you enjoyed the chapter; please leave a comment.  
_


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